Hi, its great to see you here again!
A few days ago there was a period of slack time at work and so I took advantage of this time to ask some questions of my young co-workers who are fresh out of their teens. I decided it would be an interesting exercise to get some ideas from their perspective on their ideal relationship between teens and their parents.
They were eager to answer the questions I had for them. In fact I noticed that they enjoyed their participation in this project. I am thankful too for their input.
Teenage years can be difficult even traumatic for both the youngsters and their parents, but they don’t have to be.
Between us we came up with some “Does” and “Don’ts” which I trust will be helpful for you if you are walking through this stage of life with your children.
All of these suggestions have the approval of my young companions. First we noted:
Eight things you can DO to help build and maintain the relationship between you as a parent and your teen.
This will be a two part article. You will find the first 4 things below and on Friday 20th, 2009 the remaining 4 things you can do will be published.
1. Do discuss (calmly and reasonably)
Remember your teenager is no longer a child (even though at times their behavior may not show it). They need to be treated as young adults.
This means the time for telling your son or daughter is now OVER. It is no longer appropriate to do that. They are now well able to think for themselves, and make their own choices as scary as this may seem.
Of course they still need your guidance, but there is a big difference between guiding and driving. Sometimes young children may need to be driven, but young adults can only be guided. (Sure, sometimes they may need a slightly heavy hand, but if you brought them up to this stage correctly, they will listen to reason).
This means sitting down with them and discussing the pros and cons of situations as you would with any adult.
2. Do point out the consequences.
When you are discussing a situation with your teenager, make sure you point out the consequences of an action you suspect he/she may be planning.
This way, if they do decide to go ahead, they will do so with their eyes open. When it is time to face the consequences they won’t be able to say: “But I did not know that”.
3. Do allow choices.
As hard as this may be, it is time now to release your son or daughter to learn some things in life by themselves. They may have to learn the hard way sometimes.
When they do make a wrong choice, step back and let them learn by experience.
Remember experience is the best teacher. Make sure you are “there” for them if they fall and need a hand up.
(No, that does not mean bailing them out of jail or paying their bills).
4. Do dine together as a family.
This comment was volunteered by one of my young coworkers. How important family time is, especially in this day and age. Family member’s schedules can be crazy, and the temptation is to just leave a pot of stew on the stove for everyone to help themselves as they come in.
While there may be times when this may be necessary, families need time together. There is nothing like dining together when everyone is a little more relaxed and not preoccupied with TV, homework or some other chore.
This can be a time of sharing, fellowship and even discussion of matters that involve everyone. So DO try and make sure that as many times a week as possible, your family gets to dine together.
May All Your Relationships be Successful!
You can find more tips on how to Win Your Teenagers and Influence them right here.
The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here
I know you have a lot to share. Please tell us about your thoughts and experiences below. Thanks!
February 21st, 2009 at 3:35 am
[...] The Teenage Years – Fun or Frenzy Part 2 Yuli | February 21, 2009 If you have not read Part 1 of this series, you will want to click here to read it first. [...]
March 13th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
[...] a good relationship with your teenager, and 7 things not to do. You can find the 8 things to DO here and [...]
March 13th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
What a great article. I myself have been trying to make a few changes in my life too. I discovered, I was making the same mistake you just pointed. I was getting myself occupied with work to a point where everyone eats at their own time because of my busy schedule.
But a few months ago I began making a few changes to make sure we get to sit down twice a week together to communicate and fellowship. I am also working on scheduling time to spend more time with my teenage step daughter. No more excuses because of work and business!
Thanks for the reminder.
Simon Preachers last blog post..Are Successful Men and Women Lucky?
March 13th, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Hi Simon
Thanks so much for your contribution. It is so easy to get preoccupied with our work and business and forget other very important areas of our life.
Of course family is always the most important. I am glad to hear you are making changes that will enhance your family life.
Super to hear of your determination (no more excuses because of work and business!) – that is exactly what it takes to maintain the balance.
March 21st, 2009 at 6:48 pm
[...] If you have not already read the Eight things you can DO to help build the relationship between you as a parent and your teen, you can find them here [...]
June 14th, 2009 at 4:37 am
[...] and parents looks like from their perspective. We came up with a list of 8 tips for parents to do (see this list here), and then went on to think about things not to do. As we were going over a list of [...]
June 29th, 2009 at 1:52 am
[...] You can find more about the first 4 tips (listed below), by clicking here. [...]