Walter Winchell
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Anonymous
To have a good friend is one of the highest delights in life; to be a good friend is one of the noblest and most difficult undertakings.

How true is this!
A good friend is one of best treasures in life, yet at the same time to be a good friend is not always that easy.

We have already looked at some of the attributes of character that will contribute towards creating and maintaining a solid friendship.

Remember, we mentioned

Trust – respect – value – forgiveness and love.

There are also some things you need to avoid doing if you want your friendship to remain strong and solid.

Don’t overstep the boundaries.
Boundaries are very important in our lives. We all have responsabilities in different areas of our lives, plus we all need our own space. It is a good idea to establish some boundaries from the beginning.

For example:

• You may have a traditional family night on Friday evenings. That night would be off limits for any phone calls from friends. This night is for your family.
  
  
• You may be in the habit of taking time to meditate and plan your day between 8am – 10am every morning. So those times also would be off limits to receive phone calls or visits. This is YOUR time.

A good friend will respect your boundaries. You of course will respect their boundaries also.

Many a great friendship has been harmed by not respecting the needs and lifestyle of the other person. No respect for boundaries is one thing that can certainly kill the relationship.

Proverbs 25:17 (Contemporary English Version) Don’t visit friends too often, or they will get tired of it and start hating you.

Don’t take your friends for granted.
One great way to maintain the spark in any relationship is to make sure you express your appreciation of the other person regularly.

Simple words such as “thank you for meeting with me today” or “I appreciate you giving me an hour of your time this morning” go a long way towards maintaining a positive relationship.

When this simple expression of respect is lost in a relationship it is easier for negative thoughts to enter into the minds of those involved.

For example: Well, he/she does not appreciate the effort I took to meet with them today.

If these negative thoughts persist and are given opportunity to increase, a good relationship can easily turn to a bad one.

We all need to be appreciated and respected.

May sure you make the effort to express your appreciation to your friends. You will find that this will help to strengthen the relationship.

Never presume upon your friends.
In many ways, this is very similar to taking our friends for granted. In fact, perhaps it is an extension of this.

How many times have we fallen into this trap similiar to the following example?

“I just know that my friend Joe will help me move on Saturday”. I am sure that you know Joe well enough to know that he would be very willing to.

• But what about his time constraints?
• What about his plans?

So you call Joe expecting to hear a positive answer when you ask him if he can help you move on Saturday. He notices that expectation in your voice, and so feels obligated to respond positively.

If this kind of pressure is put on any relationship too often, it will not be long before you will notice some negative “vibes” coming between you.

This can be avoided. How?

When we exercise consideration with all of our friends, family and acquaintances it will be much easier tto maintain a good relationship.

Be kind and considerate, and you will certainly find yourself enjoying many more positive moments with all of your friends and family.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Today in a celebration of Father’s Day weekend, President Barack Obama called upon fathers to be teachers and mentors. This does not mean you have to be a perfect father he stated, just one who cares and tries.

Your children will probably rate you as their perfect father if you simply do these three things:

Be involved with your children as they grow up.
Don’t leave everything to your wife. There will be times when you may need to make some sacrifices in your own agenda, but these adjustments will pay off greatly for the rest of your lives.

There are many memories that you can create in your children that they will carry into adulthood. They will become better adults just because Mum AND Dad were both involved with:

• Their needs when they were sick.
• Their sports activities.
• Their homework.
• Their field trips.
• Their school progress.

It is WELL worth any sacrifice you may need to make to be an active part of your children’s agenda as they are growing up.

Be available to your children when they need you.
Develop an “open door” policy with your children. This means building a trust relationship with them that will let them know that the door of your home office, your study or your workshop is always open for them to come and chat with you whenever they need to.

Be willing to devote personal attention to your children.
One great way to create some extra special memories in your child’s life is to spend some individual time with them as often as you can. At least once a month would be great. This will give them something special to look forward to as well.

You could take them out for a treat which would give you an opportunity to give them your undivided attention for an hour or so. It would also give Mum some time to herself which I am sure she would appreciate also

President Obama commented today: Just because your own father wasn’t there for you, that’s not an excuse for you to be absent also. It’s all the more reason for you to be present.

You have an obligation to break the cycle and to learn from those mistakes, and to rise up where your own fathers fell short and to do better than they did with your own children, Obama said. That’s what I’ve tried to do in my life.

A true teacher and mentor leads by example.
It is all about spending time with your children, learning to communicate with them and above all having fun with them. I know in my own childhood one of the the memories that stands out the most are the family activities in the back yard. Every evening when the weather was favorable our parents would play badminton, french cricket or something similar with us. These fun times left a very positive mark on our lives as we grew up.

Vice President Joe Biden gave a short comment during the Obama Father’s Day presentation, exhorting Fathers to love unconditionally. The importance of total unconditional love cannot be emphasised enough.

Unconditional love means your children do not have to earn your love nor will they ever be in fear of losing your love if they “mess up”. They will always simply KNOW that you love them.

Fathers, I know you do love your children but let them know that this weekend. Yes this Father’s Day weekend is a celebration for you. You can make this time extra special by making the effort to reinforce your love for your children and so strengthen your family bonds.

Have you told your children you love them today?

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the sixth tip that was named is:

Don’t Ignore Your Teenager.
Two major keys to any successful relationship is love and communication. One expression of love is to show a genuine desire to communicate with the person.

When both love and communication are present in a relationship any problem can be worked out.

When some parents face difficulties with their teenagers that seem impossible to solve, they tend to take the “easy way out” and simply ignore their teen. I am sure you have heard of the theory “if I ignore it, it will go away”. This is so often the human way of coping with many situations that are difficult to handle.

However, in actual fact ignoring a problem does not solve anything, but rather it allows time for any unresolved emotional reactions to go deeper and fester.

There will be added difficulties if communication difficulties existed with your teenager when he or she was a small child. But be encouraged, it is not impossible to restore your relationship with your teen to become a successful one. It will take some time, patience and a determination to win. But always expect the best, and you WILL win!

• Love is gentle and kind. Be gentle in all your communication. The time to give orders is now over. You may have been able to give orders to your child when he or she was young, but they is now a young adult and will not tolerate being told to do anything. They are much more likely to respond when asked politely if they would do something.
• Love is respectful. Your teenager is now a young adult and deserves the same respect you would give to any of your adult friends.
• Love is considerate of the other person’s needs. Your teenager is finding his own feet in this world, and now has his own agenda. Be considerate of him or her as you would be of a close friend.

  Take some time to chat with your youngster. Talk about some possible family activities coordinating with their timetable. Ask him for suggestions also. You are sure to find your teen much more cooperative and willing to join you when you approach them with consideration.

Here are three suggestions to help you build or rebuild and maintain good communication with your teenager and let them know that you really love them.

Include your teenager in family activities.
Remember to include your teenager when you plan family activities. However invite him or her to participate, don’t order. Make sure you leave them with the freedom of choice.

Remember they are now at the stage of life where they are creating their “own life”. Invite them to participate with you and the rest of the family and they are more likely to reciprocate by inviting you to join them in some of their activities from time to time.

Invite to your teenager dine with the family.
If you already have established the habit of eating together as a family, this will be much easier. In fact it will be most likely be natural that your teenager will continue dine with the family on a regular basis.

If you have not been accustomed to dining together as a family, it is very important that you start a new family dining tradition as many times a week as your schedules will allow.

Remember do not demand they join you for the evening meal. Rather invite them to join you.using phrases such as “we would love to have you here this evening so that we could enjoy a meal together as a family” or “would you like to join us this evening for dinner, it would be great if you could”.

Inspire your teenager at every opportunity.
I have a friend who used to write little inspirational notes and hide them in her children’s lunch boxes or under their pillows when her boys were small. She continued to place notes under their pillows and around the house when they were older.

This is a very effective communication tool if used wisely. It made a lasting on my friend’s two youngsters who have grown up to be fine young husbands and fathers.

Here are some tips to inspire you to use this effective communication tool.

• Make sure that all of the notes you write are inspirational or motivational. Some of the notes could your own comments while others could be quotes from great men and women. When you use quotes, adding a simple comment from you as well may be appropriate.
• Take advantage of this tool to let your teen know how much you love them, believe in them and admire them. Some unexpected personal words of encouragement from you will always go a long way.
• Never use this communication tool as a weapon to try and manipulate or convey any negative message.
• Send a surprise text to their cell phone with a word of encouragement for the day. Again this word of encouragement can be a personal one from you, or a quote. And once again remember, never use texting for any negative communication.

I am sure that a little bit of patience, lots of love and effort to reach out to your teenager will certainly pay off for you.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here

They were eager to answer the questions I had for them. In fact I noticed that they enjoyed their participation in this project. I am thankful too for their input.

Teenage years can be difficult even traumatic for both the youngsters and their parents, but they don’t have to be.

Between us we came up with some “Does” and “Don’ts” which I trust will be helpful for you if you are walking through this stage of life with your children.

All of these suggestions have the approval of my young companions. First we noted:

Eight things you can DO to help build and maintain the relationship between you as a parent and your teen.

This will be a two part article. You will find the first 4 things below and on Friday 20th, 2009 the remaining 4 things you can do will be published.

1. Do discuss (calmly and reasonably)
Remember your teenager is no longer a child (even though at times their behavior may not show it). They need to be treated as young adults.

This means the time for telling your son or daughter is now OVER. It is no longer appropriate to do that. They are now well able to think for themselves, and make their own choices as scary as this may seem.

Of course they still need your guidance, but there is a big difference between guiding and driving. Sometimes young children may need to be driven, but young adults can only be guided. (Sure, sometimes they may need a slightly heavy hand, but if you brought them up to this stage correctly, they will listen to reason).

This means sitting down with them and discussing the pros and cons of situations as you would with any adult.

2. Do point out the consequences.
When you are discussing a situation with your teenager, make sure you point out the consequences of an action you suspect he/she may be planning.

This way, if they do decide to go ahead, they will do so with their eyes open. When it is time to face the consequences they won’t be able to say: “But I did not know that”.

3. Do allow choices.
As hard as this may be, it is time now to release your son or daughter to learn some things in life by themselves. They may have to learn the hard way sometimes.

When they do make a wrong choice, step back and let them learn by experience.

Remember experience is the best teacher. Make sure you are “there” for them if they fall and need a hand up.

(No, that does not mean bailing them out of jail or paying their bills).

4. Do dine together as a family.
This comment was volunteered by one of my young coworkers. How important family time is, especially in this day and age. Family member’s schedules can be crazy, and the temptation is to just leave a pot of stew on the stove for everyone to help themselves as they come in.

While there may be times when this may be necessary, families need time together. There is nothing like dining together when everyone is a little more relaxed and not preoccupied with TV, homework or some other chore.

This can be a time of sharing, fellowship and even discussion of matters that involve everyone. So DO try and make sure that as many times a week as possible, your family gets to dine together.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

You can find more tips on how to Win Your Teenagers and Influence them right here.

The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here

I know you have a lot to share. Please tell us about your thoughts and experiences below. Thanks!