Walter Winchell
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Anonymous
To have a good friend is one of the highest delights in life; to be a good friend is one of the noblest and most difficult undertakings.

How true is this!
A good friend is one of best treasures in life, yet at the same time to be a good friend is not always that easy.

We have already looked at some of the attributes of character that will contribute towards creating and maintaining a solid friendship.

Remember, we mentioned

Trust – respect – value – forgiveness and love.

There are also some things you need to avoid doing if you want your friendship to remain strong and solid.

Don’t overstep the boundaries.
Boundaries are very important in our lives. We all have responsabilities in different areas of our lives, plus we all need our own space. It is a good idea to establish some boundaries from the beginning.

For example:

• You may have a traditional family night on Friday evenings. That night would be off limits for any phone calls from friends. This night is for your family.
  
  
• You may be in the habit of taking time to meditate and plan your day between 8am – 10am every morning. So those times also would be off limits to receive phone calls or visits. This is YOUR time.

A good friend will respect your boundaries. You of course will respect their boundaries also.

Many a great friendship has been harmed by not respecting the needs and lifestyle of the other person. No respect for boundaries is one thing that can certainly kill the relationship.

Proverbs 25:17 (Contemporary English Version) Don’t visit friends too often, or they will get tired of it and start hating you.

Don’t take your friends for granted.
One great way to maintain the spark in any relationship is to make sure you express your appreciation of the other person regularly.

Simple words such as “thank you for meeting with me today” or “I appreciate you giving me an hour of your time this morning” go a long way towards maintaining a positive relationship.

When this simple expression of respect is lost in a relationship it is easier for negative thoughts to enter into the minds of those involved.

For example: Well, he/she does not appreciate the effort I took to meet with them today.

If these negative thoughts persist and are given opportunity to increase, a good relationship can easily turn to a bad one.

We all need to be appreciated and respected.

May sure you make the effort to express your appreciation to your friends. You will find that this will help to strengthen the relationship.

Never presume upon your friends.
In many ways, this is very similar to taking our friends for granted. In fact, perhaps it is an extension of this.

How many times have we fallen into this trap similiar to the following example?

“I just know that my friend Joe will help me move on Saturday”. I am sure that you know Joe well enough to know that he would be very willing to.

• But what about his time constraints?
• What about his plans?

So you call Joe expecting to hear a positive answer when you ask him if he can help you move on Saturday. He notices that expectation in your voice, and so feels obligated to respond positively.

If this kind of pressure is put on any relationship too often, it will not be long before you will notice some negative “vibes” coming between you.

This can be avoided. How?

When we exercise consideration with all of our friends, family and acquaintances it will be much easier tto maintain a good relationship.

Be kind and considerate, and you will certainly find yourself enjoying many more positive moments with all of your friends and family.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

If you find that when your son or daughter enters teenage years your relationship with them starts to change do not be concerned. This is a new phase of their life. As a child, they may have been willing to follow your ways, your standards and your beliefs.

However now they are entering a stage of life where they will decide on and define their own beliefs, standards and ways. Some of their decisions may conflict with your perspectives, but do not be concerned. If you trained them well as a child your influence in their lives will always be there to guide them.

With the help of some young friends, I have put together a series of tips designed to help you maintain a successful relationship with your teen during these restless years and on into their adulthood.

Teenage Years, Fun or Frenzy?

We started with looking at:

Eight things you can DO to help build and maintain the relationship between you as a parent and your teen.

One of these 8 tips was:
Do discuss issues with your teen. Now I am not talking about a heated discussion, but a good discussion over a cup of coffee or an ice cream. You may of course carefully point out the consequences of the issue in question, but the final decision will be theirs. Don’t ever try to control that.

What if they make the wrong decision? This is where unconditional love comes into the picture. You will always be there to support and love no matter what happens.

Now this does not mean you have to “bail them out”. No, let them pay the consequences (this is how they will learn), but always be there to support.

Dining together as a family was another tip that my friends thought to be important. The family dinner table can be a great place to share and strengthen family bonds.

You can find more about the first 4 tips (listed below), by clicking here.

• Do discuss.
• Do point out the consequences.
• Do allow choices.
• Do dine together as a family
  (Click on the link above or here to read more).

More about the second 4 tips (listed below) can be found here:

• Do trust them (this is very important)
• Do restrain (with wisdom)
• Do involve them in the family activities (they have not left home yet)
• Do continue to believe the best (this is also VERY important.
  Click on the link above or here to read more.)

Teenage Years – Parents Adventure or Nightmare?

This depends greatly on your relationship with your teenager.

Here is a list of things to avoid doing in order to maintain a successful relationship with your teen.

You can click on the links to read the complete post about the respective topic.

Don’t Argue

Don’t Threaten Your Teenager

Don’t Punish Us, My Teenage Friends Say

Don’t Smother Your Teenager

Don’t Antagonize Your Teenager
Here I take a look at three definitions of the word “antagonize, and apply them to your relationship with your teen.

Don’t Ignore Your Teenager
(This can be a major temptation when things get difficult.)

Don’t Give Up On Your Teenager

I trust these tips will help you with your relationship with your teen. I look forward to hearing about your experiences and recommendations that will help to build a successful relationship with our teenagers.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Jimmy is one of the icons on the internet marketing scene. He is one who’s work I have been following for quite a while. I like his style.

Along with comments about his plans for their celebration, Jimmy wrote an excellent post on his blog revealing the secrets to his successful marriage. Because Jimmy is an online marketer, he naturally took the opportunity to compare these three keys with our relationship to our business contacts.

However these secrets can actually help you with any relationship that is important to you whether it be with family, friends or business associates. This is the reason I am taking the opportunity to talk about this article today.

In a nutshell there are three main keys to a good marriage (and to any successful relationship).

1. Communication
2. Captivation
3. Cooperation

These are three keys to make all of your most important relationships endure through time.

I highly recommend that you read this article. I am sure you will be able to glen some great principles and ideas that you can apply and enhance all of your relationships, from marriage, friendship and business contacts. Read more about the three keys to a successful relationship here.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the sixth tip that was named is:

Don’t Ignore Your Teenager.
Two major keys to any successful relationship is love and communication. One expression of love is to show a genuine desire to communicate with the person.

When both love and communication are present in a relationship any problem can be worked out.

When some parents face difficulties with their teenagers that seem impossible to solve, they tend to take the “easy way out” and simply ignore their teen. I am sure you have heard of the theory “if I ignore it, it will go away”. This is so often the human way of coping with many situations that are difficult to handle.

However, in actual fact ignoring a problem does not solve anything, but rather it allows time for any unresolved emotional reactions to go deeper and fester.

There will be added difficulties if communication difficulties existed with your teenager when he or she was a small child. But be encouraged, it is not impossible to restore your relationship with your teen to become a successful one. It will take some time, patience and a determination to win. But always expect the best, and you WILL win!

• Love is gentle and kind. Be gentle in all your communication. The time to give orders is now over. You may have been able to give orders to your child when he or she was young, but they is now a young adult and will not tolerate being told to do anything. They are much more likely to respond when asked politely if they would do something.
• Love is respectful. Your teenager is now a young adult and deserves the same respect you would give to any of your adult friends.
• Love is considerate of the other person’s needs. Your teenager is finding his own feet in this world, and now has his own agenda. Be considerate of him or her as you would be of a close friend.

  Take some time to chat with your youngster. Talk about some possible family activities coordinating with their timetable. Ask him for suggestions also. You are sure to find your teen much more cooperative and willing to join you when you approach them with consideration.

Here are three suggestions to help you build or rebuild and maintain good communication with your teenager and let them know that you really love them.

Include your teenager in family activities.
Remember to include your teenager when you plan family activities. However invite him or her to participate, don’t order. Make sure you leave them with the freedom of choice.

Remember they are now at the stage of life where they are creating their “own life”. Invite them to participate with you and the rest of the family and they are more likely to reciprocate by inviting you to join them in some of their activities from time to time.

Invite to your teenager dine with the family.
If you already have established the habit of eating together as a family, this will be much easier. In fact it will be most likely be natural that your teenager will continue dine with the family on a regular basis.

If you have not been accustomed to dining together as a family, it is very important that you start a new family dining tradition as many times a week as your schedules will allow.

Remember do not demand they join you for the evening meal. Rather invite them to join you.using phrases such as “we would love to have you here this evening so that we could enjoy a meal together as a family” or “would you like to join us this evening for dinner, it would be great if you could”.

Inspire your teenager at every opportunity.
I have a friend who used to write little inspirational notes and hide them in her children’s lunch boxes or under their pillows when her boys were small. She continued to place notes under their pillows and around the house when they were older.

This is a very effective communication tool if used wisely. It made a lasting on my friend’s two youngsters who have grown up to be fine young husbands and fathers.

Here are some tips to inspire you to use this effective communication tool.

• Make sure that all of the notes you write are inspirational or motivational. Some of the notes could your own comments while others could be quotes from great men and women. When you use quotes, adding a simple comment from you as well may be appropriate.
• Take advantage of this tool to let your teen know how much you love them, believe in them and admire them. Some unexpected personal words of encouragement from you will always go a long way.
• Never use this communication tool as a weapon to try and manipulate or convey any negative message.
• Send a surprise text to their cell phone with a word of encouragement for the day. Again this word of encouragement can be a personal one from you, or a quote. And once again remember, never use texting for any negative communication.

I am sure that a little bit of patience, lots of love and effort to reach out to your teenager will certainly pay off for you.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here

Barbara Desmarais writes:
Over the years I’ve coached many parents both privately and in groups. I’ve come across so many who are in regular conflict with their partner. They frequently argue about how to discipline the children or they are carrying around resentments and hurts towards each other.

Parents Set The Tone of the Household.
Just like a leader in an organization the parents set the tone of the household. Even if they aren’t openly arguing if they’re at odds with each other, the tension between them is felt by everyone.

If they are openly arguing and doing it in a hostile way, the kids are affected. They’re affected in a way that impacts who they are.

My Experience
I’ve been married for twenty-three years next month and I would be lying if I said it’s been clear sailing since the beginning. It hasn’t. We’ve had lots of struggles but I made a conscious decision many years ago that I was not going to put our kids through a divorce. I would not stay in an unsatisfactory marriage for the sake of the kids but the kids gave us a reason to make our relationship work.

When things were clearly off kilter we sought professional help. We saw a counselor both together and privately. I learned some important things about myself in the process and one of them was that the only person I could change was me. I took that advice to heart and put a lot of energy into finding out who I really was and what made me happy.

The happier I became, the less the little things bothered me and the more I worked on myself, the stronger my boundaries became. I reacted to situations differently.

The Law of Attraction Works In the Home
For many years I’ve been studying the Law of Attraction and recently I’ve been applying techniques that I know bring more emotional and spiritual wealth into my life. I’ve made a conscious decision to focus only on those qualities in my husband that I admire and respect. I regularly write down the many things I’m grateful for including a happy, stable marriage.

The more I focus on my husband’s good qualities, the more desirable he becomes.

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is parents is to love and respect each other. When there is unity between the parents, the vibrations in the household are positive and everyone benefits.

It doesn’t mean that disagreements are a bad thing or that arguing should never be tolerated. Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship but when the union is strong, tension is kept to a minimum and arguments are quickly resolved.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

You can follow Barbara on twitter, where she is known as Coach Barb.

I would greatly appreciate hearing about your experiences too – please share them below.

Here are four tips that will help you avoid the frenzy and enjoy the fun.

1. Do trust your young adults.
I had to laugh at the comment I received on this one. “Do trust your teenager, but don’t forget he/she is still just 16 years old”.

Although it came across as a little funny, this comment carries excellent wisdom. In other words do not let them have the upper hand.

2. Do restrain
Here is where you as a parent are also following a learning curve. The trick is to allow freedom, yet with some restraint.

One definite time to restrain would be when there is potential harm, or life changing consequences of a decision your teen is about to make.

And do check up on them.

I asked my young friend’s opinion on parents calling a friend’s home to make sure their teenagers really did go to visit “Johnny”. The answer actually surprised me. It was a definite “YES”, parents should definitely check up on their teens.

3. Do involve.
Your teen may be a little more independent than they were a few years ago, but he/she is still a part of your family. As a young adult, they should now be even more able to participate in family discussions, and even contribute to the solving of some family problems.

Note: I did NOT say, “contribute to the solving of any marital problems” Children should NEVER be dragged into marital disputes.

Above all:

4. Do continue to believe the best of your teen.
Love believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. Love never fails. This comes from the famous chapter in the Bible that best describes what love is, 1 Corinthians 13.

Your teenager WILL respond to your guidance much better if he/she senses that you DO believe in him/her. This is vital and will greatly contribute to your enjoying a successful relationship with your teen.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

I know you have a lot to share – please let us hear from you below. Thanks!

They were eager to answer the questions I had for them. In fact I noticed that they enjoyed their participation in this project. I am thankful too for their input.

Teenage years can be difficult even traumatic for both the youngsters and their parents, but they don’t have to be.

Between us we came up with some “Does” and “Don’ts” which I trust will be helpful for you if you are walking through this stage of life with your children.

All of these suggestions have the approval of my young companions. First we noted:

Eight things you can DO to help build and maintain the relationship between you as a parent and your teen.

This will be a two part article. You will find the first 4 things below and on Friday 20th, 2009 the remaining 4 things you can do will be published.

1. Do discuss (calmly and reasonably)
Remember your teenager is no longer a child (even though at times their behavior may not show it). They need to be treated as young adults.

This means the time for telling your son or daughter is now OVER. It is no longer appropriate to do that. They are now well able to think for themselves, and make their own choices as scary as this may seem.

Of course they still need your guidance, but there is a big difference between guiding and driving. Sometimes young children may need to be driven, but young adults can only be guided. (Sure, sometimes they may need a slightly heavy hand, but if you brought them up to this stage correctly, they will listen to reason).

This means sitting down with them and discussing the pros and cons of situations as you would with any adult.

2. Do point out the consequences.
When you are discussing a situation with your teenager, make sure you point out the consequences of an action you suspect he/she may be planning.

This way, if they do decide to go ahead, they will do so with their eyes open. When it is time to face the consequences they won’t be able to say: “But I did not know that”.

3. Do allow choices.
As hard as this may be, it is time now to release your son or daughter to learn some things in life by themselves. They may have to learn the hard way sometimes.

When they do make a wrong choice, step back and let them learn by experience.

Remember experience is the best teacher. Make sure you are “there” for them if they fall and need a hand up.

(No, that does not mean bailing them out of jail or paying their bills).

4. Do dine together as a family.
This comment was volunteered by one of my young coworkers. How important family time is, especially in this day and age. Family member’s schedules can be crazy, and the temptation is to just leave a pot of stew on the stove for everyone to help themselves as they come in.

While there may be times when this may be necessary, families need time together. There is nothing like dining together when everyone is a little more relaxed and not preoccupied with TV, homework or some other chore.

This can be a time of sharing, fellowship and even discussion of matters that involve everyone. So DO try and make sure that as many times a week as possible, your family gets to dine together.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

You can find more tips on how to Win Your Teenagers and Influence them right here.

The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here

I know you have a lot to share. Please tell us about your thoughts and experiences below. Thanks!

(In fact see what Dr Wagner shared in his comment here: “give lots of hugs. Our twins would come and hug us immediately after we disciplined them. That’s a Message!.” (You can find Dr Wagner on Twitter at http://twitter.com/moneyinmarriage).

My answer to Dr Wagner’s comment: “absolutely!”

In fact love is the key ingredient for all Successful Relationships.

However, there is a misconception of what love really is and one of the places where this illusion is found is in the relationships between parents and children.

There are several things that love is not, and each of them are so important that we will take at look at them one at a time.

If you find yourself in any or many of these categories and scenarios, don’t worry, once you confront a fault and admit it you have made a major step towards changing it.

Love Is Not Manipulative!

Contrary to some opinions and concepts, your children are not actually yours as in owning them. No, you do not own them! .

Full responsibility – no ownership.
They are your responsibility to train and guide for this world AND for eternity, but they are not yours to control.

One of the traps that many parents fall into in this area is very subtle.

Many from past generations resolve to make sure the present generation does not have to suffer once they become parents.

A Trap for Parents
One classic example of this trap: Mum or Dad wanted to be a doctor when they were growing up. However family finances or other circumstances of life were difficult and they allowed these things to stop them from pursuing this dream.

(The development of the awareness of the importance of the right mindset in achieving success is relatively recent, so many of the past generations grew up thinking that they were somehow “cheated” out of their dreams by life or destiny. However its never too late to change your mindset).

So they grow up with a strong resolution concerning their own children:

• My children WILL have what I could not have, they will NOT suffer as I had to, is their affirmation.

In one way this is a noble commitment yet in another way it can be a dangerous one. What if little Johnny does not want to be a doctor?

Result? Johnny spends a frustrated life trying to live his parents dream instead of his own. (How many lives are being lived in this way? I have met some!) His parents have not meant to manipulate his life, but that is exactly what they ended up doing.

Yes the word “manipulate” is a strong one, but sadly it is possible to manipulate the lives of our children even unconsciously, as this example illustrates.

Note: Incredibly, I completed this post, turned on the TV to see a movie playing: Ice Princess

What is it about? A mother trying to fulfill her dream through her daugher!

• Are YOU living YOUR dream or someone else’s vision for your life?
• Are YOUR children being trained and guided to live THEIR dream or yours?

Train your children to discover and develop THEIR dream and follow it! Here’s how you can do that:

1. Realize and accept that your child is born with his OWN destiny and his OWN dreams.
2. Observe his/her interests and talents and give your child all the opportunities within your power to develop them.
3. Encourage him/her in their areas of strength and help them to strengthen their weak areas.
4. Recognize that children may want to be an aircraft pilot one day, and a veterinarian the next. That’s ok, they are finding their way.
5. Gently encourage them in their pursuits, but give them room to decide for themselves. Don’t jump to conclusions too early in their lives and start “pushing” them in any one direction.

The KEY WORDS are ENCOURAGE and FREE WILL.

• Gently encourage them in their interests and talents.
• Let them make the decisions (where their interests and what they want to pursue is concerned. Of course there are some daily decisions that parents have to make for their children, depending on their age).
• It is fine to lay before them the pros and cons of situations and the costs and benefits.
• Let them grow up realizing that REAL LIFE has its ups and downs, its failures and its triumphs.
• Teach them to create a successful mindset and they will be champions in whatever they pursue in life!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Well that does greatly depend on you as a parent. No, I am not talking about being a perfect parent, none of us have quite reached that characteristic yet. And neither are there perfect children (except yours of course

We do live in a difficult age for children growing up and their parents trying to guide them. But there are certainly some things parents can do to help point children in the right direction and give them an opportunity to win this race called life.

7 Steps to Creating Good Relationships With Your Children

1. Set the example.

   I am sure you have heard the saying “Actions speak louder than words”. How about “Your actions are so loud I can’t hear what you are saying”. That’s a little stronger, right?

   Well this is exactly what your children will be thinking if your actions do not line up with what you say you expect of them.
   
   

2. Be careful with what you let them get away with when they are young.

   It may be cute (to some) to watch young Johnny, who is after all just a baby, doing things that you may have no intention of letting him get away with when he is 4 or 5 years old once the “cuteness” wears off.

   But it will be too late by then. Johnny’s brain is already programmed to know that it’s ok, even funny, to hit Dad with a baseball bat made of sponge. Only now he is older his new baseball bat is made of wood, and Dad no longer laughs. Johnny is confused!
   
   

3. Be fair.

   This is especially essential when there are two or more children in the family. Never, and I mean NEVER favor one above the other. Both or all are equal in their own right and need to be treated the same.
   
   

4. Honor Your Word

   The one sure way to teach your children to trust you is to be trustworthy! This means doing what you say you will do.

   Sadly the age old story is repeated time and again. Dad promises Johnny he will take time to see the football game on Saturday morning where his son will be playing. He would not miss it for anything – well almost anything!

   Then Dad gets a phone call. This is the big deal he has been waiting for and his promise to Johnny is soon forgotten are he excitedly assures his client he has no commitments on Saturday morning and of course he can make the presentation.

   This scenario is repeated so many times that there are scores of movies made with it.

   Once teenage years arrive a heart broken and frustrated Dad (or Mum) is left wonder why teenage son or daughter won’t confide in them. Don’t they trust Mum and/or Dad? NO why should they!
   
   

5. Respect Your Spouse

   Remember, a child will imitate what he SEES long before he will respond to what he is told. If Dad is constantly putting Mum (or Mom) down by making fun of her cooking and laughing at her attempts to garden, then the children will quickly join in. They will grow up “knowing” that adults are a joke.

   When this sort of thing happens in the home it will be difficult, even impossible, to teach the children to respect their mother (or father) or any other adult for that matter.
   
   

6. Never argue in front of the children

   This is another area that teaches the children by example. When they see and hear their parents arguing, trust will falter and respect will dwindle. Don’t do it! (Its that simple).
   
   

7. What is your value system like?
   There is absolutely no way you can try and teach little Johnny not to cuss if he hears those words in the home.

   And how can you teach him not to steal if he sees those company brand pens and notepad all over the house?

   Make sure YOU are living the values you want to teach your children. They must be your core values too, because who you ARE teaches more than what you say. (More about that in a future article).

I look forward to seeing your comments on these topics and I am sure you can add some.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

 

]]> http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/good-parent-child-relationships/feed 8 http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/whats-on-your-mind-it-affects-those-around-you http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/whats-on-your-mind-it-affects-those-around-you#comments Sun, 21 Dec 2008 02:34:17 +0000 Yuli http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/?p=158
• Our thoughts create mindsets
• Mindsets create attitudes
• Attitudes create actions.
• Actions stimulate reactions and responses!
So how you affect those around you, whether it be family or friends, all starts with your thoughts! Stop and think for a moment about this scenario:]]> Your thoughts affect those around you. How?

Here’s the progression:

• Our thoughts create mindsets
• Mindsets create attitudes
• Attitudes create actions.
• Actions stimulate reactions and responses!

So how you affect those around you, whether it be family or friends, all starts with your thoughts!

Stop and think for a moment about this scenario:

You get up in the morning feeling great.

You skip down the stairs whistling a merry tune and arrive at the kitchen with a big smile on your face.

But:

As you walk into the kitchen there is a distinct feeling of gloom in the air. Your brother is sitting at the table eating his cereal, but he does not look very happy. In fact, he had a fight with his girl friend the night before and he spent the night going over and over the scene in his mind. He is angry, but does not say anything.

Now how are you feeling? He does not want to speak with you and when you try to make conversation, he snaps at you and even tells you to “shut up”.

Now what happened to that good mood you were in?

The truth is it takes a strong mind to combat this kind of atmosphere which was created by the thoughts of the other person, and unless you have created the habit of a strong positive mindset, that great mood you had earlier will likely now have a cloud over it by now.

So just how CAN you combat these all too common situations?

Here are some suggestions. Would love to see you adding to these suggestions in the comments below:

1. Create the habit of deciding to maintain your mind focused on the positive.
2. Decide you will not be controlled by circumstances or atmospheres, but rather YOU will control them positively. You do this by not allowing any negative to drive your thoughts and consequently your emotions.
3. Decide that you will always give those around you room to develop and work their way through life’s challenges. This means there will be many things you won’t take to heart and get needlessly hurt over.

There are other things you can do – what are they? I look forward to hearing from you.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!


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