The results were staggering:]]> The other day I was working through a book about accelerated learning and came to an interesting statistic. Jack Canfield (famous for his co-authoring of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series) organized a survey where the words spoken daily by school aged children were noted.

The mindset of children today.
A team of surveyors followed 100 children for a complete day making a note of the number of negative and positive statements that each child spoke during that day.

The results were staggering:
Positive statements spoken — over 72!
Negative statements spoken — over 650!

Take into account that it takes 5 positive declarations to counteract 1 negative statement and it is clear we are facing a serious problem with our children today. I am sure that we would be equally amazed at the results if we followed 100 adults for a complete day also.

Is it any wonder that statistics show that 82% of 6 year olds are confident about their ability to learn while only 18% of 16yr olds share the same confidence! (Statistics and survey information taken from “Accelerate Your Learning” by Colin Rose and Loise Goll).

How to be a part of the solution.

It is clear that our children need as much positive reinforcement as they can get every day. The surest place for them to get this is at home (because YOU can set the atmosphere).

This means that at home you need to make sure that your children ONLY hear positive declarations and words of encouragement all the time.

Do you want your child to grow up with a positive and creative mindset, ready to succeed in life?
I am sure you do! So here are some ideas to help you add more positive ideas and affirmations to your child’s life. This will of course boost their self esteem and confidence.

• Seek to make at least 5 positive and encouraging comments to your child each day.
  
• Try to give your child some one on one attention every day. A chat over a hot chocolate or orange juice would be good, especially if they know they have your undivided attention. This may only take a few minutes, but it will make a huge difference to your child’s day.
  
• Write a short note that will encourage your child and let them know that you believe in them. This note could include a famous quote that may relate to something your child is facing right now, and would encourage them to believe they can conquer. Leave it under their pillow, or put it in their lunch box.
  
• Look for all the positive traits and behavior in your child and affirm them.
  
• Encourage your child to pursue the things they express interest in. Affirm that they can do anything they want to do. Encourage them to declare their own confidence in their abilities too.
  

Make every effort to encourage your child to succeed and you will also enjoy the added benefit of a stronger bond with them.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

 

]]> http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/prepare-your-child-for-success/feed 0 http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/words-can-make-or-break-your-childs-life http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/words-can-make-or-break-your-childs-life#comments Wed, 28 Jan 2009 01:54:11 +0000 Yuli http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/?p=241 Proverbs 18:21 tells us: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." (English Standard Version). Wow! So with words you can bring life or kill. This is something that is so easy to forget especially in the home where more stressful and difficult circumstances are likely to show up on a daily basis. But getting frustrated and lashing out with negative words will only make any situation worse. Speaking out of frustration can destroy. One thing I hate to hear at the supermarket is a parent speaking harsh or belittling words to their child. It hurts to hear it. How much more must it hurt that child that is receiving the lashing! I am sure you have heard this too.]]> The spoken word is very powerful. Proverbs 18:21 tells us: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (English Standard Version). Wow! So with words you can bring life or kill.

This is something that is so easy to forget especially in the home where more stressful and difficult circumstances are likely to show up on a daily basis. But getting frustrated and lashing out with negative words will only make any situation worse.

Speaking out of frustration can destroy.
One thing I hate to hear at the supermarket is a parent speaking harsh or belittling words to their child. It hurts to hear it. How much more must it hurt that child that is receiving the lashing! I am sure you have heard this too.

I know that grocery buying time can sometimes be difficult with young children, but getting frustrated with them and speaking harsh words will not solve anything. In fact, speaking disrespectful words will cause your children not to respect you and then when they become teens (and even long before), you may wonder what hit you!

A little encouragement can go a long way
I know it can be difficult to guide a child with his homework for example, especially when he/she may have learning challenges. But I also KNOW they can rise to any challenge when they are encouraged.

I saw a tremendous change in one young lad after spending time with him telling him he can and even making him repeat positive words about himself. In less than a week he was able to conquer a learning area that was thought impossible for him.

So, when a child has difficulty with something, especially a school subject, the first thing to do is to work with his/her mindset. You may even have to stop and work on your own mindset first.

Do YOU believe they are capable? You will have trouble encouraging them if you don’t!

Simple words of encouragement and affirmation can go a long way:

Please never do this!

Unfortunately this happens all too often. How many children are told they can never do something, or will never be good at a certain task? When they grow up, these negative words can be terrible obstacles as they try to reach their goals.

If you were told as a child that you could not do something, let me tell you now YES YOU CAN! You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to.

It is never too late to start speaking positive words to your children, to every member of your family, to your friends and to yourself. You CAN!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

 

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]]> http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/words-can-make-or-break-your-childs-life/feed 2 http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/what-love-is-not http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/what-love-is-not#comments Sat, 17 Jan 2009 21:51:48 +0000 Yuli http://successfulrelationshipsblog.com/?p=209 There is one main ingredient that binds together EVERY and ANY other principle that can be followed to build good relationships between parents and children. (In fact see what Dr Wagner shared in his comment here: "give lots of hugs. Our twins would come and hug us immediately after we disciplined them. That’s a Message!." (You can find Dr Wagner on Twitter at http://twitter.com/moneyinmarriage). My answer to Dr Wagner's comment: "absolutely!" In fact love is the key ingredient for all Successful Relationships. However, there is a misconception of what love really is and one of the places where this illusion is found is in the relationships between parents and children.]]> There is one main ingredient that binds together EVERY and ANY other principle that can be followed to build good relationships between parents and children.

(In fact see what Dr Wagner shared in his comment here: “give lots of hugs. Our twins would come and hug us immediately after we disciplined them. That’s a Message!.” (You can find Dr Wagner on Twitter at http://twitter.com/moneyinmarriage).

My answer to Dr Wagner’s comment: “absolutely!”

In fact love is the key ingredient for all Successful Relationships.

However, there is a misconception of what love really is and one of the places where this illusion is found is in the relationships between parents and children.

There are several things that love is not, and each of them are so important that we will take at look at them one at a time.

If you find yourself in any or many of these categories and scenarios, don’t worry, once you confront a fault and admit it you have made a major step towards changing it.

Love Is Not Manipulative!

Contrary to some opinions and concepts, your children are not actually yours as in owning them. No, you do not own them! .

Full responsibility – no ownership.
They are your responsibility to train and guide for this world AND for eternity, but they are not yours to control.

One of the traps that many parents fall into in this area is very subtle.

Many from past generations resolve to make sure the present generation does not have to suffer once they become parents.

A Trap for Parents
One classic example of this trap: Mum or Dad wanted to be a doctor when they were growing up. However family finances or other circumstances of life were difficult and they allowed these things to stop them from pursuing this dream.

(The development of the awareness of the importance of the right mindset in achieving success is relatively recent, so many of the past generations grew up thinking that they were somehow “cheated” out of their dreams by life or destiny. However its never too late to change your mindset).

So they grow up with a strong resolution concerning their own children:

• My children WILL have what I could not have, they will NOT suffer as I had to, is their affirmation.

In one way this is a noble commitment yet in another way it can be a dangerous one. What if little Johnny does not want to be a doctor?

Result? Johnny spends a frustrated life trying to live his parents dream instead of his own. (How many lives are being lived in this way? I have met some!) His parents have not meant to manipulate his life, but that is exactly what they ended up doing.

Yes the word “manipulate” is a strong one, but sadly it is possible to manipulate the lives of our children even unconsciously, as this example illustrates.

Note: Incredibly, I completed this post, turned on the TV to see a movie playing: Ice Princess

What is it about? A mother trying to fulfill her dream through her daugher!

• Are YOU living YOUR dream or someone else’s vision for your life?
• Are YOUR children being trained and guided to live THEIR dream or yours?

Train your children to discover and develop THEIR dream and follow it! Here’s how you can do that:

1. Realize and accept that your child is born with his OWN destiny and his OWN dreams.
2. Observe his/her interests and talents and give your child all the opportunities within your power to develop them.
3. Encourage him/her in their areas of strength and help them to strengthen their weak areas.
4. Recognize that children may want to be an aircraft pilot one day, and a veterinarian the next. That’s ok, they are finding their way.
5. Gently encourage them in their pursuits, but give them room to decide for themselves. Don’t jump to conclusions too early in their lives and start “pushing” them in any one direction.

The KEY WORDS are ENCOURAGE and FREE WILL.

• Gently encourage them in their interests and talents.
• Let them make the decisions (where their interests and what they want to pursue is concerned. Of course there are some daily decisions that parents have to make for their children, depending on their age).
• It is fine to lay before them the pros and cons of situations and the costs and benefits.
• Let them grow up realizing that REAL LIFE has its ups and downs, its failures and its triumphs.
• Teach them to create a successful mindset and they will be champions in whatever they pursue in life!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

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