Secret No 1 – Faithfulness.

Secret No 2 – Communication.
I am sure you were expecting to see this word pop up sooner or later Let’s explore this a little.

What exactly is communication? I have noticed that some people have the concept that communication is a one way street. They speak and you listen. Or worse still, they talk some things over with someone else, come to a conclusion and expect you to know their latest decisions. I find this happens a lot in corporate situations.

No, real communication is a TWO WAY street. It involves sharing AND listening. Listening skills seem to be the area that most of us need to brush up on.

In this busy multi-tasking society, listening seems to be defined as having one ear open to the conversation while texting, watching TV or even reading the newspaper (on your Kindle of course).

But real listening includes paying attention. It includes FOCUS. When I am really listening to you, then my mind is totally focused on what you are saying. I am seeking to understand what you are saying.

When it comes time for me to participate in the conversation, my contribution will be in context and valuable. Would you say this is a good definition of listening?

The dictionary gives the definition of listening as “hear with intention, and hear and pay attention”.

Real communication in the home a number one priority and needs to come BEFORE out other activities.

5 Things You Can Do To Maintain Good Communication With Your Spouse.

• Make sure you schedule some one on one time with your spouse every week.
• Go out to a quiet place where you have some uninterrupted time together.
• During this time, leave the ipods, iphones and blackberries at home (they will survive ok without you for a while
• Try and clear your mind of concerns, and situations. Put those on the shelf for a hour or so. If you have both been facing difficult situations, then some refreshing time together will do you both good.
• Talk and listen with your whole heart and mind.
• And here is a sixth thing – you need to make sure that you always talk openly about money

Secret No 3 – Understanding.
When you have really learned to communicate you should find that understanding is so much easier. This is because you are REALLY listening

When your spouse senses you genuinely understand, you may well find a lot of tension and difficulties between you disappear. These tensions may have been building up over the week as life’s situations and challenges were causing strain.

Now some old fashioned communication and understanding melted the tension and each partner feels the support of the other.

How can you show understanding?

• If you are the guy, then you will need to listen more than you talk (that will be easy for you anyway Statistics declare that men speak around 2000 words and hour, while women need to speak up to 5000 words an hour. The very fact you are prepared to listen shows you are genuinely interested in understanding your wife.
• You do not have to have all the answers in order to understand. All you need to do is listen, and show support.
• Make sure your response shows you listened. This will communicate that you DID listen and you ARE intent on supporting.

Faithfulness, communication and understanding will take you a long way towards celebrating your 50th, 60th and yes even 70th wedding anniversary. Just the other day I saw a photo of a couple in celebrating their 70th anniversary!

May you enjoy a lifetime of a successful marriage, and:

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the seventh tip that was named is:

Don’t Give Up!
I recently asked some young friends what a successful relationship between teens and parents looks like from their perspective. We came up with a list of 8 tips for parents to do (see this list here), and then went on to think about things not to do. As we were going over a list of “donts” with a grin they added “And don’t give up on us”.

I have thought about that comment for the past week or so as I have been writing these posts about relating to your teenager.

• Are you tempted to give up on your teen?
• Have you found yourself in despair, wondering “what you did wrong”, as you see your teen taking a different path than what you had hoped they would take?
• Do you find it difficult to communicate with your teenager?

If any of these things sound remotely familiar to you, here are some things that will help you to ride these challenging years. They don’t have to be difficult, they can be years filled with fun and adventure.

Remember, your son or daughter is now developing into a young adult. This means:

1. They are finding their own feet.
2. They are checking out many things they were taught as children and will come to their own conclusions.
3. They need to face life with their own heart felt faith, their own standards.
4. They may seem to be straying from the values they were taught as children as they explore different areas of life for themselves, but don’t despair. They WILL be ok.

Remember Peter Marshall?He was an imigrant from Scotland, who ended up becoming Chaplain of the United States. During his earlier years, he took a “detour” from his faith to explore the areas of the physic much to the horror of his wife and close friends. However it was not long before his was convinced for HIMSELF, as to where this area belonged in relationship to his life and faith. His curiosity was satisfied and his faith was stronger. If you have not read “A Man Called Peter” I highly recommend that you do.

So don’t despair. Your teen will come back to the values and morals that they were taught as a child, especially if you keep the lines of communication as open as you can, and offer them a LOT of UNCONDITIONAL love. Proverbs 22:6 assures us: “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”

During this time of development into adulthood:

• Love unconditionally, but be firm when neccesary.
• Seek to understand, not judge.
• Seek to be their friend, but don’t intrude.
• Seek opportunities to enjoy fellowship with them over a meal, coffee and favorite restaurant.
• Take an interest in the things they are interested in.

Do these things now, and throughout their life and you WILL be able to enjoy a successful relationship with your sons and daughters.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here