Successful Relationships

This is the second article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and threatening was definitely named as one of the things NOT to do with your teenager. So tip number 2 is:

Never threaten them.

In the last article we looked at arguing. Arguing is never a way to create a healthy relationship with anyone, let alone a teenager who is already facing a lot of changes and complications in life.

Another thing that will be sure to irritate a teenager is to threaten them. (Well threatening will provoke most anyone to anger right?). So number 2, of the 7 things not to do is:

A few weeks ago I took some time to chat with some young friends about their perspective and experiences on the ideal relationship between teens and parents.

We came up with 8 things to do to enjoy a good relationship with your teenager, and 7 things not to do. You can find the 8 things to DO here and here.

Now let’s take a look at some of the things they were saying not to do.

We took a look at 4 things you can do that will empower you to win your teenagers and influence them in the previous post. The teenage years can be fun, or they can be a time of frenzy. It really depends how you approach them. It will certainly be time of many changes. The way you relate to your son or daughter who is now becoming an adult will change.

Here are four tips that will help you avoid the frenzy and enjoy the fun.

1. Do trust your young adults.
I had to laugh at the comment I received on this one. “Do trust your teenager, but don’t forget he/she is still just 16 years old”.

Although it came across as a little funny, this comment carries excellent wisdom. In other words do not let them have the upper hand.

A few days ago there was a period of slack time at work and so I took advantage of this time to ask some questions of my young co-workers who are fresh out of their teens. I decided it would be an interesting exercise to get some ideas from their perspective on their ideal relationship between teens and their parents.

They were eager to answer the questions I had for them. In fact I noticed that they enjoyed their participation in this project. I am thankful too for their input.

Teenage years can be difficult even traumatic for both the youngsters and their parents, but they don’t have to be.

One of the big frustrations a leader or employer can meet with is to have team members or associates with little or no initiative.

This can be not only frustrating but time consuming for the leader who has to take time to show his member or associate every little detail.

Often the team member is very willing to work, but you have to tell him exactly what to do. He/she never or rarely takes the initiative to do things without being asked to.

Children should be seen and not heard!

Do you remember those days? They were ignorant times for sure. They were days when it was thought that children would be able contribute something of value to society when they grew up. Meanwhile, they were to stay quiet, out of the way of the adults and amuse themselves, of course keeping out of trouble.

One of the key truths I taught in Mexico at the seminars for parents was that children are not a part of the church of tomorrow, but they are a part of the church TODAY. The same can be said of society. Children have something valuable to contribute to society TODAY.

Children are valuable citizens today, not just tomorrow!
Children do not have to wait until they grow up to become valuable. Hopefully we have left behind the days when children were to be seen and not heard. and we now understand that children are valuable human beings and an essential part of society.

The spoken word is very powerful. Proverbs 18:21 tells us: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (English Standard Version). Wow! So with words you can bring life or kill.

This is something that is so easy to forget especially in the home where more stressful and difficult circumstances are likely to show up on a daily basis. But getting frustrated and lashing out with negative words will only make any situation worse.

Speaking out of frustration can destroy.
One thing I hate to hear at the supermarket is a parent speaking harsh or belittling words to their child. It hurts to hear it. How much more must it hurt that child that is receiving the lashing! I am sure you have heard this too.

There is one main ingredient that binds together EVERY and ANY other principle that can be followed to build good relationships between parents and children.

(In fact see what Dr Wagner shared in his comment here: “give lots of hugs. Our twins would come and hug us immediately after we disciplined them. That’s a Message!.” (You can find Dr Wagner on Twitter at http://twitter.com/moneyinmarriage).

My answer to Dr Wagner’s comment: “absolutely!”

In fact love is the key ingredient for all Successful Relationships.

However, there is a misconception of what love really is and one of the places where this illusion is found is in the relationships between parents and children.

Do you think it is possible in this day of extreme rebellion, lack of respect, and self-centered “ideals” to still enjoy a loving yet respectful relationship with your children?

Well that does greatly depend on you as a parent. No, I am not talking about being a perfect parent, none of us have quite reached that characteristic yet. And neither are there perfect children (except yours of course

We do live in a difficult age for children growing up and their parents trying to guide them. But there are certainly some things parents can do to help point children in the right direction and give them an opportunity to win this race called life.

I am sure you have heard the term “Tough Love”, and perhaps even had to apply it at one time or another. At the time of confrontation it may even seem beyond tough, but be encouraged, it does pay off.

Here’s a living example: (Names changed, but situation is real).
Some good friends of mine in Mexico whom I have known for probably 15 years or so have 2 sons. Both boys of course had the same opportunities, but as in many families, one was a little more rebellious than the other, actually quite a bit more rebellious.

Drastic Measures
Things became so difficult that one day the father stepped in and took some very drastic measures with the rebellious lad. He put him out of the home to fend for himself.