Hi, its great to see you here again!
Do you think it is possible in this day of extreme rebellion, lack of respect, and self-centered “ideals” to still enjoy a loving yet respectful relationship with your children?
Well that does greatly depend on you as a parent. No, I am not talking about being a perfect parent, none of us have quite reached that characteristic yet. And neither are there perfect children (except yours of course 
We do live in a difficult age for children growing up and their parents trying to guide them. But there are certainly some things parents can do to help point children in the right direction and give them an opportunity to win this race called life.
7 Steps to Creating Good Relationships With Your Children
- Set the example.
I am sure you have heard the saying “Actions speak louder than words”. How about “Your actions are so loud I can’t hear what you are saying”. That’s a little stronger, right?
Well this is exactly what your children will be thinking if your actions do not line up with what you say you expect of them.
- Be careful with what you let them get away with when they are young.
It may be cute (to some) to watch young Johnny, who is after all just a baby, doing things that you may have no intention of letting him get away with when he is 4 or 5 years old once the “cuteness” wears off.
But it will be too late by then. Johnny’s brain is already programmed to know that it’s ok, even funny, to hit Dad with a baseball bat made of sponge. Only now he is older his new baseball bat is made of wood, and Dad no longer laughs. Johnny is confused!
- Be fair.
This is especially essential when there are two or more children in the family. Never, and I mean NEVER favor one above the other. Both or all are equal in their own right and need to be treated the same.
- Honor Your Word
The one sure way to teach your children to trust you is to be trustworthy! This means doing what you say you will do.
Sadly the age old story is repeated time and again. Dad promises Johnny he will take time to see the football game on Saturday morning where his son will be playing. He would not miss it for anything – well almost anything!
Then Dad gets a phone call. This is the big deal he has been waiting for and his promise to Johnny is soon forgotten are he excitedly assures his client he has no commitments on Saturday morning and of course he can make the presentation.
This scenario is repeated so many times that there are scores of movies made with it.
Once teenage years arrive a heart broken and frustrated Dad (or Mum) is left wonder why teenage son or daughter won’t confide in them. Don’t they trust Mum and/or Dad? NO why should they!
- Respect Your Spouse
Remember, a child will imitate what he SEES long before he will respond to what he is told. If Dad is constantly putting Mum (or Mom) down by making fun of her cooking and laughing at her attempts to garden, then the children will quickly join in. They will grow up “knowing” that adults are a joke.
When this sort of thing happens in the home it will be difficult, even impossible, to teach the children to respect their mother (or father) or any other adult for that matter.
- Never argue in front of the children
This is another area that teaches the children by example. When they see and hear their parents arguing, trust will falter and respect will dwindle. Don’t do it! (Its that simple).
- What is your value system like?
There is absolutely no way you can try and teach little Johnny not to cuss if he hears those words in the home.And how can you teach him not to steal if he sees those company brand pens and notepad all over the house?
Make sure YOU are living the values you want to teach your children. They must be your core values too, because who you ARE teaches more than what you say. (More about that in a future article).
I look forward to seeing your comments on these topics and I am sure you can add some.
May All Your Relationships be Successful!
January 9th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
Jill
This is a really good article.
Communication between kids & their parents should be the main priority in the developmental stages.
I do believe all parents are trying to do their best in raising their kids; however, working parents have such a little time with their kids. I praise you for writing about this important topic. Thank you.
January 9th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
@kiwichamp I’d like to add – give lots of hugs. Our twins would come and hug us immediately after we disciplined them. That’s a Message.
Absolutely Dr Wagner!
In fact this should be No.1 on the list. Without love all the other suggestions will not work. Thanks for this comment (via Twitter).
Yulis last blog post..moneyinmarriage: @kiwichamp Thx.
January 9th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
I would love to feature you as a guest writer on my blog & print your article. Do you give your permission to do this? I would give you all of the credit as the author of the post. I just think this article is very important for as many parents to read this as possible. Keep writing.
January 9th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
Thanks Rosalie for your comment –
Please email me at info@kiwichamp.com – and I can reply with credits that could be added.
Thanks so much – I plan on keeping writing. My 25 yrs plus experience in Mexico which included counseling a lot of families is finally getting onto digital paper.
Jills last blog post..My Journal – Why Write Things Down
January 17th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Nice job, Jill!! A big one on my list is respect for my kids as people. Our kids have their own ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc.
They need a safe place to express themselves and, of all places, the home/parents should be their number one place.
I have seen too many times what happens when parents’ attitudes are things like “oh their just kids”, “he’s just a kid, what does he know”, “he’s a kid, what problem could he possibly have”, “wish that’s all the problems I had”. Get what I’m saying?
I think that if we want our kids to respect us, we also need to respect them for where they are in their own life.
Keep up the good work, Jill! Great stuff!! =)
shileens last blog post..Weight Loss – “Weigh” More Than A Diet!
January 17th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Absolutely Shileen – you’ve got it, and actually the simple law of sowing and reaping comes into play here too. If we respect our children they will respect us!
We need to realize that they have an identity and gifting that they can contribute to society NOW (not just “some day” when they grow up). As you stated Shileen, they certainly DO face problems and things they have to work through just as adults do.
Once we understand this we will be able to train a generation of champions!
Watch for the next posts where we will discuss things like:
Teaching our children to discover and follow their dream.
Releasing our children to be themselves and be able to be all they were born to be.
Recognizing our children’s faults and helping them to conquer them
Teaching our children to take responsibility, take initiative and become a successful and valuable member of his society.
January 17th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
[...] fact see what Dr Wagner shared in his comment here: “give lots of hugs. Our twins would come and hug us immediately after we disciplined them. [...]
February 19th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
This is an excellent article. The relationship we have with our children is so important. It can build or cripple the foundation of their future as well as our own.
I read a book years back that talked about from the age of 1-9 that we have defined “What is a Mother”, “What is a Father”, “What is discipline” etc. The scary part is that most people live their life based on that knowledge.
Makes one stop and think what foundation we are passing on to our children.