Hi, its great to see you here again!

How many times I have heard this across the years as I talked with friends, families and folk seeking counsel and prayer.

Most of them were unaware that they were holding grudges and here’s why. This is a true story:

There are several young folk (well they have grown a bit over the past years who look to me as a spiritual mother. I met them all when they were in their teens, and most come from a very broken or difficult home background.

One young man lost his father to a drunken brawl when he was about 7 years old. His mother did her best to provide for Juan and his brother and sister but in order to do that it meant she was not at home as often as the young children needed her to be.

Of course her absence in the home was noticeable, and when she did come home she was tired and often irritable  because she was over stressed. However all three children had the opportunity to study for a good career and in this area they lacked nothing.

But there is no substitute for a missing mother in the home. Children all feel it one way or another. Juan was no exception. This young man known as “Juanito” (little John) is over 6ft tall and looked healthy enough, yet he could not hold his hands steady as he stretched them out. He had consulted a doctor and was on medication, yet there was no clue as to what was wrong with him.

We were standing out on the street talking one afternoon after a meeting and he began to share with me some things about his childhood and his father. As we conversed I asked him: “Have you forgiven your mother?”

He looked at me in horror and said: “I have nothing against my mother. She did her best.”

Ah ha — here was the clue!

“She did her best” – What does that tell you?

Yes – he was EXCUSING -his mother, not FORGIVING her. There is a huge difference.

He kept saying things like:
She did her best.
I understand she was going through a lot too.
She had to support us and that meant she had to work hard.

All of these comments showed me he was excusing his mother for the pain he felt (which obviously was caused by the lack of his mother’s attention and affection when he was little).

I said to him – “That’s not the point. The point is not how your mother handled the situation. The point is how YOU handled it, and you felt her absence and THAT is what you need to forgive whether it was her fault or not”.

Forgiveness is NOT about who’s fault it was or is.

Forgiveness is all about “I felt hurt by this situation or this person” (whether being hurt was justifiable or not), and that is what I need to forgive.

• Do YOU have similar experiences hidden away in your heart that are still affecting you today?
  
• Are you aware of hurts you can’t get rid of (even vaguely aware of them).
  
• Have you thought that because a certain situation was no one’s fault the only way to deal with it was to try and put it out of your mind?
  
• Now is the time to face these hurts, forgive the person(s) involved whether it was their fault or not.
  

When Juan realized that he actually needed to forgive his mother (not excuse her), his health took an abrupt turn for the better! It was not long before he was off of medication and returning to the healthy and vibrant young man I knew he could be.

Today he is and his wife are proud parents of three lovely children (mm the oldest now a teenager), and also a very successful pastor of a growing church! (Yep I am proud of him).

This was all possible because he was able to face his hurts and forgive not excuse the one who offended him.

Now its your turn! Do you have someone in your life you may need to forgive? Today is the day!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!