Hi, its great to see you here again!

One of the great things about a good relationship is that each person is free to be themselves. They are free to think for themselves, act for themselves and are simply free to enjoy life.

When this kind of freedom exists, there can be great fellowship and a very solid relationship.

However, not everyone is able to enjoy such freedom. Sadly many people are stuck in a suffocating relationship. I don’t think there can be much worse than being in a relationship that is full of control.

My Experiences:

When I was serving at a very well known restaurant in the USA, I had the opportunity to observe a lot of different situations, some very pleasant, others not so pleasant.

One of the not so pleasant situations were when the authoritative partner would order for both of them while the other would silently look disgusted, letting me know they were not even consulted and that this was probably just a sample of what their life was like.

(Note: I am not at all against the husband ordering for the wife as a “gentlemanly gesture” after he has consulted her, that a totally different situation, and a very positive one at that!).

One time, the wife and child drank water while the husband enjoyed a cocktail. Was it because they chose water? Nope, he ordered for them, while they tried to look agreeable. What a sad situation.

So what was I observing in these situations? A terrible suffocation and control was at work. Those relationships are very unhealthy at best, doomed to destruction at worst.

But how do people get into those situations?

One of the huge reasons is the FEAR of being alone.

There is a saying in Spanish, “mejor solo que mal acompañado”
(Better to be alone than accompanied badly or by the wrong person). The English translation does not flow the same, but the meaning is surely the same.

When we are blinded by negative emotions, we always make wrong decisions.

This may not be a problem in your life, that’s great, but I am sure you have a friend who may need your support in this area.

So what can we do?

First this fear needs to be faced and uprooted.

Until fear is uprooted from your life, you will always attract the wrong people.

What is fear? Michael Pritchard quotes fear as being that little darkroom where negatives are developed.

That is essentially saying that the more we think about something we are afraid of, the bigger and clearer it gets. Only thing is that the size and clarity of this thing are both an illusion created in our own minds.

If this fear grows like a negative in the dark, then let’s take it into the light where it will wither up and die.

1. On a blank piece of paper write down all the things you fear about being left alone (if this is the case in your life).
2. Make sure you write down everything that comes to mind, whether you think you fear it or not.
3. Read the list back to yourself and then ask yourself, “Why do I fear this?”
4. Write down the answer.
5. Now look for a solution to everything you wrote down.

One practical example, if you wrote down: I need someone to help me balance my checkbook, the solution would be I am determined learn to balance my checkbook myself

Note, when we face fears and meet them with a solution, what we are doing is inviting our will which is the power of decision, to take its rightful place over our emotions (where both negative and positive feelings operate).

We DECIDE to exercise our will over our emotions (where fear can reside).

Once we do that we will be in a place where we can start to enjoy more freedom in live, and we have a better chance of attracting the RIGHT people into our life.

You may be reading this article after having been in a relationship with a person whom you thought was the right one for your life, but things happened and there was a breakup.

If this is the case, please check this out now: The Magic Of Making Up.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

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