Hi, its great to see you here again!

This is the second article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and threatening was definitely named as one of the things NOT to do with your teenager. So tip number 2 is:

Never threaten them.

In the last article we looked at arguing. Arguing is never a way to create a healthy relationship with anyone, let alone a teenager who is already facing a lot of changes and complications in life.

Another thing that will be sure to irritate a teenager is to threaten them. (Well threatening will provoke most anyone to anger right?). So number 2, of the 7 things not to do is:

Don’t Threaten

When your teenager does or says something you don’t like, feel uncomfortable about or even worse highly concerned about, how you you react?

Don’t you dare do that or I will …. Mm, how many times have you said that to one of your friends, children, teenagers or spouse?

Does threatening work? Of course not! It is a very negative approach to any situation.

Let’s think about it for a second. When someone tries to hold a threat over you, how do you react? Everyone does have different ways of responding to situations, but in this case I am positive that all reactions would be negative no matter how they are expressed.

I am sure you would not ever react positively to a threat (at least not in your heart). I know I would not. You might be like the little boy who said “I am standing up as you asked, but I am sitting down in my heart”.

So was he really standing or sitting? That’s a good question. (Passive rebellion is a subject we will cover in a later article).

So what does trying to threaten our teenager, (or children or anyone else) actually achieve? Nothing positive actually. Here are some reactions that threatening a teenager will provoke.

1. It can be taken as a dare.

   So if I really do this, you will stop me from going out with my friends for a week? Let’s see if you can!

2. It can provoke curiosity and an opportunity for the threatened one to test the boundaries.

   Will you REALLY do this?

3. Threatening will provoke rebellion.

   Rebellion is described as refusal to accept some authority or code or convention. Threatening a teenager will definitely stir up rebellion in them. Remember they are already in a transition period full of all kinds of changes.

   They are learning to think for themselves more than ever as they enter into adulthood. They need to be allowed to think for themselves with adult guidance but NOT control.

4. Threatening is a manipulative action.

   What you are really trying to do is control the other person. Teenagers will see right through that one (so will most children) and usually react very negatively.

5. Threatening is a good way to start an argument.

   Arguments usually do not end with any solution. Instead they normally end with ill feelings, bitterness and even with one of the parties walking out in anger.

If you have not already read the Eight things you can DO to help build the relationship between you as a parent and your teen, you can find them here

I know you have a lot to add to this article from your own experience. Please let us hear from you! Thanks!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here