Don’t Smother Your Teenager

Hi, its great to see you here again!

This is the fourth article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the fourth tip that was named is:

Don’t Smother Your Teenager.

Teenage Friends Smothering is one of the traps many parents fall into with their teenagers.

Your teenagers are undergoing a lot of changes in life as they prepare for adulthood.

Yes I know they may be still your “baby boy” or “baby girl”, to you. However, as hard as it may be for you to face, they are probably not going to want to hear that as much any more, if at all. They certainly don’t want you calling them any such thing in front of their friends.

There are other reactions that may start to show up, or perhaps intensify as they enter these difficult years. You might find yourself facing some serious resistance to any intervention from you in their lives. You may feel they are trying to shut you out of their lives.

Some of this is a normal part of growing up. Your teen is in transition. He or she is now discovering the world for themselves and coming to their own conclusions based on their discoveries.

Don’t worry, if you trained them right when they were children, you can rest assured they WILL (at least in the end) make the right decisions. (Proverbs 22:6)

There is one thing though you want to avoid doing with your teenager and that is to smother them. This will suffocate their growth in one way or another.

Here are 3 ways you may be unconsciously (or consciously) smothering your teenager.

1. Too many restrictions.

Here are some facts:

Teenagers are no longer children, however:
Teenagers are not yet adults, however
Teengers think they are adults.
That does leave you as a parent of a teenager with some perplexities as to how to handle your teen.

There is one thing for sure, what worked with your son or daughter when they were still children will not work now they are growing into adulthood.

Restrictions will now be interpreted as control, and if there is one thing teenagers today are rebelling against it is control.

The best solution is to make sure the communication stays open with your teenager.
Try to allow them to make their own decisions. (As long as communication is good, they WILL listen to your guidance).
Look for ways to gently present them with consequences of any wrong decision you think they are about to make.
Let them learn (the hard way if necessary).
Let them pay the consequences, but make sure they know that your love and moral support is always there.

2. Doing everything for them.
One of the biggest mistakes I see many parents making is doing too much for their teens. All members of your household should have duties to perform. This teaches team work. Your teenager should be no exception. Even though their lifestyle may be changing, they are still a part of your household.

A young adult stepping out into the workforce with a good understanding and experience of team work will be an asset to any company. Conversely a young adult who has no experience of team work can be difficult to work with in the business world.

Here’s another thing I have observed while working (and living) with teens. Those who have overpowering parents tend to seriously lack initiative. This can be very difficult for any leader to work with also.

3. Trying to be a bigger part of their life than they want you to be right now.
It is good to keep communication open with your teenager and definitely you will want to be their friend. BUT that does not mean that you need to try and be involved in EVERYTHING they do. They are at the stage where they want to try some things out for themselves without Mum and Dad around.

Be careful also with trying to be friends with them on Facebook or Twitter. They might take that as interference or spying.

Yes it is GREAT to have family activities where all members of the family are involved. It is a good idea to try and dine together as a family, if not everyday at least several times a week.

BUT it is also a good idea to release your teen to start building their “own life”. If you release them, they will always be a vital part of your life. Even if they do stray for a while as they experiment they WILL come back.

So make sure to simply be their friend
Keep communications open.
Expect the best and of course pray for them. Prayer is the most powerful solution to anything we face in life.

My mother always used to say to my sister and me, “I did not know how to bring you up, so I gave you to God”. We both turned out just fine. Please let us hear of your experiences with you teens (or your own experiences as a teenager).

If you are reading this and you are still a teenager, we certainly want to hear from you. What can we do to best help you?