Hi, its great to see you here again!
This is the third article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.
These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the third tip that was named is:
Don’t Punish.
I have to admit, this suggestion was not my idea. I did not come up with it, they did. Do not punish, they said. They insisted that this should be included in our series.
So where does this leave us parents? I certainly look forward to your comments below.
Here are some thoughts,
We all know and recognize that the teenage years can be a difficult time of life. There are many changes going on both in the bodies and the minds of the youngsters. Here are some of the main things that are happening to your teen:
- Your teen is no longer a child
- Your teen is not yet an adult – he just thinks he is.
- Your teen is old enough to make his (or her) own decisions, BUT they still need guidance.
However, guidance is not control.
- Punishing a teenager can send a message to a him (or her) that they are still under the control of their parents. Usually they will rebel against that loud and clear.
- Being punished by parents can make them lose face before their peers.
- Punishment from parents is likely to create more rebellion which can so easily lead to bitterness in their hearts and definitely a break in their relationship with you.
So what can you do?
- Become their friend. Gain and maintain their confidence
- Keep the communication lines wide open.
- Become “unshockable” (even though you’re not). Try not to show shock to your teenager, no matter what they tell you.
- All of these are expressions of love. Love is ALWAYS a major key.
- Gently point out the consequences of their decisions.
- Step back and allow them to decide.
- IMPORTANT: Allow them to pay the price of their decision. DO NOT step in and rescue them. They will not learn anything that way. In other words, if you are not going to interfere with their decision, do not interfere with the results.
- Be there to support, but let them pay the price. They have to learn in the same way you and I had to learn. (And let’s face it you and I are still learning from life’s experiences right?).
So in conclusion, let your teenagers discover life for themselves. Be their friend, be available but not overpowering.
May All Your Relationships be Successful!
The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here
July 11th, 2009 at 3:27 am
[...] Don’t Punish Us, My Teenage Friends Say [...]