Do You Make Any Of These Three Mistakes With Your Teenager?

Hi, its great to see you here again!

SmilingTeen_Rgbspace_Dreamstime This is the fifth article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the fifth tip that was named is:

Don’t Antagonize Your Teenager.
Remember your teenager is going through a lot of changes already and because of this there may be some strange emotions pop up from time to time. There may even be some “out of character” moments as they are trying to find their own feet in this world.

There are three main definitions of the word antagonize found in the dictionary.

1. Provoke hostility.
Each one of us has some “buttons” somewhere. You know, those areas in our lives that someone can inadvertantly touch that causes us to explode or react in some not so normal way. Your teenager also has some very sensitive buttons. His or her buttons will very likely be more even more sensitive because of all the new things they are grappling with.

It may well take you some time and a little “trial and error” to find the right communication that will help you to avoid these buttons that will provoke hostility.

Rememer, patience and love will always win out.

One thing is certain, any unjustified or unreasonable reaction towards your teen may certainly cause hostility. The complication here is the reaction only has to be perceived as unreasonable for the hostility to show up.

What can you do to avoid provoking hostility?

Listen first then speak. Listening will help you to discover what your son or daughter is really feeling or going through.
Listening will also help you to discover what your teen may be perceiving in the situation you are facing (whether their perception is right or wrong, it is equally important to them). Because you listened you will have a better chance of correcting that wrong perception. (Do this gently).
Treat your youngster with the same respect you would any other friend of yours (well I hope you do treat all your friends with respect).

2. Annoy or irritate.
Again, because of the changes your teen is going through there is likely to be some new things that will annoy them. I call them “new things” because they may well be things that your son or daughter tolerated as a child.

Sources of annoyance or irritation could include things like:

You walk into their room without knocking.
You still treat them as your “baby”. Hey, they are grown up now, at least they think they are.
You try to pry into their private lives more than they invite you to.
There are a whole lot more I am sure you could add. Please share them and other experiences you have with your teenagers below in the comments.

3. Act in opposition.
Your teen needs to know that you are on their side in everything. Of course that will not always mean you always agree with them, but at least you agree to listen and try to understand. This will give you the right to offer suggestions and guidance.

If you try to oppose any decision with arguments or worst still with anger, you will lose them. In fact this can be one of the quickest ways to lose them.

The longest way is usually the right way. Trying to take shortcuts especially in any relationship is probably going to get you into trouble.

Shortcuts would definitely include arguing and anything else that is designed to try and force an issue. Force will never get you anywhere but into trouble.

Any communication which includes force, arguing, demanding, anger, resentment and a whole host of other negative emotions will always end with a worse situation than you started with. Of course you don’t want to do that.

Some keys to good communication are:

Be gentle – no trying to force or demand an answer.
Be patient – wait until they are ready to talk.
Be respectful – your teenager deserves the same respect you would show to all your friends and other members of your family.
Be kind – a little kindness can go a long way in all of our communications
Be loving – above all, love never fails.