Successful Relationships » Parents and Children

Your Children and Money

Yuli — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 23:56:36 +0000

Most children today are paid allowances and that in itself may not be bad, but let’s stop and think for a moment.

What exactly are we teaching them about money by simply paying them an allowance?

You are bringing up a child who will be a future husband or wife, a missionary or a volunteer worker in a foreign land, a states person. They could be someone of great influence, even a president.

A future entrepreneur?
This young man or women may one day own their own business, or they may simply end up work for someone else or in Corporate America dedicating their lives to building a giant for someone else.

Wherever they are or whatever they do MONEY will pay a big role in their lives right?

So what are your children learning about money during their young years?

Are you equipping your child to be a successful entrepreneur or investor?
Are they simply being taught to work hard and hope for the best?
Are they being taught the right value of money. Valuing money above relationships can be as harmful as not placing any value on money at all (easy come, easy go syndrome).

Too many children grow up thinking that money really does grow on trees or that Mum and Dad have an endless supply.

Then they get married or set up a business (or both) and often fail because of their inability to value and handle money.

So here is a challenge for you as a parent:

Is your child being taught how to handle money?
Are you teaching your children the value of money?
Are you teaching your children to EARN money?
Are you inspiring and training young entrepreneurs?

It is never too early

to teach children about money.

Take a look at this video, and then click on the link below to learn more about different ways to teach your children about money:

Get your copy of “Teach your children about money” right now!

Prepare Your Child For Success!

Yuli — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 19:38:12 +0000

The other day I was working through a book about accelerated learning and came to an interesting statistic. Jack Canfield (famous for his co-authoring of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series) organized a survey where the words spoken daily by school aged children were noted.

The mindset of children today.
A team of surveyors followed 100 children for a complete day making a note of the number of negative and positive statements that each child spoke during that day.

The results were staggering:
Positive statements spoken — over 72!
Negative statements spoken — over 650!

Take into account that it takes 5 positive declarations to counteract 1 negative statement and it is clear we are facing a serious problem with our children today. I am sure that we would be equally amazed at the results if we followed 100 adults for a complete day also.

Is it any wonder that statistics show that 82% of 6 year olds are confident about their ability to learn while only 18% of 16yr olds share the same confidence! (Statistics and survey information taken from “Accelerate Your Learning” by Colin Rose and Loise Goll).

How to be a part of the solution.

It is clear that our children need as much positive reinforcement as they can get every day. The surest place for them to get this is at home (because YOU can set the atmosphere).

This means that at home you need to make sure that your children ONLY hear positive declarations and words of encouragement all the time.

Do you want your child to grow up with a positive and creative mindset, ready to succeed in life?
I am sure you do! So here are some ideas to help you add more positive ideas and affirmations to your child’s life. This will of course boost their self esteem and confidence.

Seek to make at least 5 positive and encouraging comments to your child each day.
Try to give your child some one on one attention every day. A chat over a hot chocolate or orange juice would be good, especially if they know they have your undivided attention. This may only take a few minutes, but it will make a huge difference to your child’s day.
Write a short note that will encourage your child and let them know that you believe in them. This note could include a famous quote that may relate to something your child is facing right now, and would encourage them to believe they can conquer. Leave it under their pillow, or put it in their lunch box.
Look for all the positive traits and behavior in your child and affirm them.
Encourage your child to pursue the things they express interest in. Affirm that they can do anything they want to do. Encourage them to declare their own confidence in their abilities too.

Make every effort to encourage your child to succeed and you will also enjoy the added benefit of a stronger bond with them.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Initiative Crushers

Yuli — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 03:38:04 +0000

One of the big frustrations a leader or employer can face is to have team members or associates with little or no initiative.

This can be not only frustrating but time consuming for the leader who has to take time to show his member or associate every little common sense detail of a task.

Often the employee or team member is very willing to work, but you have to tell him exactly what to do or it won’t get down. He/she never or rarely takes the initiative to do things without being asked to.

Lack of initiative in a teenager or young adult is usually the result of their creativity not being allowed to fully develop during their childhood.

Some of the things which usually crush initiative are:

Smothering a child. Don’t let your child think for himself ever and they will certainly lack initiative. He/she has learned to let someone else think for him.

DO give them room to make some choices of their own, and DO leave them to make their own decisions where appropriate.
Laughing at their ideas and ways of doing things. Your child will never do things exactly the same way as you do. Of course there is a wrong way to do things, but many duties can be accomplished in several different ways.
If you jeer at your child, making fun of what he/she does, they will soon learn to live in fear of trying to anything without being told to. They will be too afraid to even try taking any initiative to do things on their own.

Do encourage your child at all possible opportunities.

Be tolerant of their mistakes and recognize that they are in development.

If they are doing something completely wrong, gently show them the correct way.

The key is patience.
Asking a child to do something but never really showing them how.
This can happen especially with the second or third child. You may assume they know how to carry out a task and so simply ask them to do it. Also many children (and adults actually) need to be shown more than once how to do something before they grasp it completely.

Young children are always striving to please the adults around them and so many of them will not ask, but simply look at the task in front of them dumbfounded (I have seen this happen).

Sometimes they may try to tackle it and then get scolded because the results were all wrong.

Do take time to make sure your child knows how to complete a duty you ask to carry out. Again, do have patience with them.
Doing everything for your children, instead of stepping back patiently and letting them do some things. I know, it is often easier to do it yourself, but if you don’t let your children try for themselves, they will NEVER really learn.
When a child is just beginning to learn a new skill, he/she may be slow in achieving the task and they may not complete it correctly. This creates a temptation to take over and do it for them. Don’t do that!

Do patiently show them again how to complete the task, and then step back and let them do it.

Did you notice how many times the issue of patience showed up in this article?

Patience is certainly a big key in allowing your child to develop his/her creative skills and initiative.

The development time may at times be demanding, but the rewards will be great. You will be the proud parent of a child who has learned to become a constructive, helpful and creative thinking citizen, an asset to the society around them.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

How Much Do You Really Value Your Children?

Yuli — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 01:33:28 +0000

Children should be seen and not heard!

Do you remember those days? They were ignorant times for sure. They were days when it was thought that children would be able contribute something of value to society when they grew up. Meanwhile, they were to stay quiet, out of the way of the adults and amuse themselves, of course keeping out of trouble.

One of the key truths I taught in Mexico at the seminars for parents was that children are not a part of the church of tomorrow, but they are a part of the church TODAY. The same can be said of society. Children have something valuable to contribute to society TODAY.

Children are valuable citizens today – not just tomorrow!

Children do not have to wait until they grow up to become valuable. Hopefully we have left behind the days when children were to be seen and not heard, and we now understand that children are valuable human beings and an essential part of society.

They have much to contribute to their families as well as to society today.

Children Bring Happiness

Being with children is good for ALL adults. They are usually carefree, love to play and laugh. It is very good for any adult to spend time laughing and playing with children to help alleviate the stress of the day.

Laughter is like medicine, Proverbs 17:22 tells us.

A grandmother comments her experience on the blog, Mindset For Living. After the stress of facing a difficult divorce, she picks up her grandson to laugh and play with him See the third comment on the article “Weightloss, Health and Mindset”. This greatly helped her forget the stress of the day.

Children Have Rights.

Children also have rights, the right to be heard and to make their own choices (where appropriate of course). Now, I am not talking about going to the extreme that some have advocated (letting children chose to divorce their parents for example.)

Of course they are not yet fully developed, and some choices are reserved for them when they reach adulthood. However, as some parents have understood, children are actually “little people”.

The parents who understand this treat their children as such. You can feel the atmosphere of love and security when you walk into the homes of these families.

Children Have Something Valuable to Say

Out of the mouths of babes, great wisdom often comes. Is that not true. Children are usually direct, they speak what they see with no holding back.

They also state the obvious, something which for some reason we adults often overlook. We try to complicate things, children keep it simple.

Children Are to Be Respected!

As valuable human beings, children should be addressed with the same respect that you would (hopefully) address an adult.

One of my pet peeves is hearing a parent talking down to their children, or worse still using language that causes damage to their morale and self esteem. You can hear that a lot (unfortunately) in public places such as restaurants, supermarkets and stores.

I am sure you also have heard such conversations (well monologues really) that include negative words spoken in frustration or anger such as: stupid (horror of horrors), can’t you ever, how many times, etc.

Look for another article very soon when I will expound on some of these monologues and the long term effect that they have on your children.

Meanwhile, lets affirm our children with positive words, positive attitudes, love and respect.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Words Can Make or Break Your Child’s Life

Yuli — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 01:54:11 +0000

The spoken word is very powerful. Proverbs 18:21 tells us: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (English Standard Version). Wow! So with words you can bring life or kill.

This is something that is so easy to forget especially in the home where more stressful and difficult circumstances are likely to show up on a daily basis. But getting frustrated and lashing out with negative words will only make any situation worse.

Speaking out of frustration can destroy.
One thing I hate to hear at the supermarket is a parent speaking harsh or belittling words to their child. It hurts to hear it. How much more must it hurt that child that is receiving the lashing! I am sure you have heard this too.

I know that grocery buying time can sometimes be difficult with young children, but getting frustrated with them and speaking harsh words will not solve anything. In fact, speaking disrespectful words will cause your children not to respect you and then when they become teens (and even long before), you may wonder what hit you!

A little encouragement can go a long way
I know it can be difficult to guide a child with his homework for example, especially when he/she may have learning challenges. But I also KNOW they can rise to any challenge when they are encouraged.

I saw a tremendous change in one young lad after spending time with him telling him he can and even making him repeat positive words about himself. In less than a week he was able to conquer a learning area that was thought impossible for him.

So, when a child has difficulty with something, especially a school subject, the first thing to do is to work with his/her mindset. You may even have to stop and work on your own mindset first.

Do YOU believe they are capable? You will have trouble encouraging them if you don’t!

Simple words of encouragement and affirmation can go a long way:

Please never do this!

Unfortunately this happens all too often. How many children are told they can never do something, or will never be good at a certain task? When they grow up, these negative words can be terrible obstacles as they try to reach their goals.

If you were told as a child that you could not do something, let me tell you now YES YOU CAN! You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to.

It is never too late to start speaking positive words to your children, to every member of your family, to your friends and to yourself. You CAN!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

How to Prevent Supermarket Tantrums

What Love is Not – Love Is Not Manipulative!

Yuli — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 21:51:48 +0000

There is one main ingredient that binds together EVERY and ANY other principle that can be followed to build good relationships between parents and children.

(In fact see what Dr Wagner shared in his comment here: “give lots of hugs. Our twins would come and hug us immediately after we disciplined them. That’s a Message!.” (You can find Dr Wagner on Twitter at http://twitter.com/moneyinmarriage).

My answer to Dr Wagner’s comment: “absolutely!”

In fact love is the key ingredient for all Successful Relationships.

However, there is a misconception of what love really is and one of the places where this illusion is found is in the relationships between parents and children.

There are several things that love is not, and each of them are so important that we will take at look at them one at a time.

If you find yourself in any or many of these categories and scenarios, don’t worry, once you confront a fault and admit it you have made a major step towards changing it.

Love Is Not Manipulative!

Contrary to some opinions and concepts, your children are not actually yours as in owning them. No, you do not own them! .

Full responsibility – no ownership.
They are your responsibility to train and guide for this world AND for eternity, but they are not yours to control.

One of the traps that many parents fall into in this area is very subtle.

Many from past generations resolve to make sure the present generation does not have to suffer once they become parents.

A Trap for Parents
One classic example of this trap: Mum or Dad wanted to be a doctor when they were growing up. However family finances or other circumstances of life were difficult and they allowed these things to stop them from pursuing this dream.

(The development of the awareness of the importance of the right mindset in achieving success is relatively recent, so many of the past generations grew up thinking that they were somehow “cheated” out of their dreams by life or destiny. However its never too late to change your mindset).

So they grow up with a strong resolution concerning their own children:

My children WILL have what I could not have, they will NOT suffer as I had to, is their affirmation.

In one way this is a noble commitment yet in another way it can be a dangerous one. What if little Johnny does not want to be a doctor?

Result? Johnny spends a frustrated life trying to live his parents dream instead of his own. (How many lives are being lived in this way? I have met some!) His parents have not meant to manipulate his life, but that is exactly what they ended up doing.

Yes the word “manipulate” is a strong one, but sadly it is possible to manipulate the lives of our children even unconsciously, as this example illustrates.

Note: Incredibly, I completed this post, turned on the TV to see a movie playing: Ice Princess

What is it about? A mother trying to fulfill her dream through her daugher!

Are YOU living YOUR dream or someone else’s vision for your life?
Are YOUR children being trained and guided to live THEIR dream or yours?

Train your children to discover and develop THEIR dream and follow it! Here’s how you can do that:

Realize and accept that your child is born with his OWN destiny and his OWN dreams.
Observe his/her interests and talents and give your child all the opportunities within your power to develop them.
Encourage him/her in their areas of strength and help them to strengthen their weak areas.
Recognize that children may want to be an aircraft pilot one day, and a veterinarian the next. That’s ok, they are finding their way.
Gently encourage them in their pursuits, but give them room to decide for themselves. Don’t jump to conclusions too early in their lives and start “pushing” them in any one direction.

The KEY WORDS are ENCOURAGE and FREE WILL.

Gently encourage them in their interests and talents.
Let them make the decisions (where their interests and what they want to pursue is concerned. Of course there are some daily decisions that parents have to make for their children, depending on their age).
It is fine to lay before them the pros and cons of situations and the costs and benefits.
Let them grow up realizing that REAL LIFE has its ups and downs, its failures and its triumphs.
Teach them to create a successful mindset and they will be champions in whatever they pursue in life!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

How to Build Good Relationships Between Parents and Children

Yuli — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 03:02:53 +0000

Do you think it is possible in this day of extreme rebellion, lack of respect, and self-centered “ideals” to still enjoy a loving yet respectful relationship with your children?

Well that does greatly depend on you as a parent. No, I am not talking about being a perfect parent, none of us have quite reached that characteristic yet. And neither are there perfect children (except yours of course

We do live in a difficult age for children growing up and their parents trying to guide them. But there are certainly some things parents can do to help point children in the right direction and give them an opportunity to win this race called life.

7 Steps to Creating Good Relationships With Your Children

Set the example.

I am sure you have heard the saying “Actions speak louder than words”. How about “Your actions are so loud I can’t hear what you are saying”. That’s a little stronger, right?

Well this is exactly what your children will be thinking if your actions do not line up with what you say you expect of them.
Be careful with what you let them get away with when they are young.
It may be cute (to some) to watch young Johnny, who is after all just a baby, doing things that you may have no intention of letting him get away with when he is 4 or 5 years old once the “cuteness” wears off.

But it will be too late by then. Johnny’s brain is already programmed to know that it’s ok, even funny, to hit Dad with a baseball bat made of sponge. Only now he is older his new baseball bat is made of wood, and Dad no longer laughs. Johnny is confused!
Be fair.
This is especially essential when there are two or more children in the family. Never, and I mean NEVER favor one above the other. Both or all are equal in their own right and need to be treated the same.
Honor Your Word
The one sure way to teach your children to trust you is to be trustworthy! This means doing what you say you will do.

Sadly the age old story is repeated time and again. Dad promises Johnny he will take time to see the football game on Saturday morning where his son will be playing. He would not miss it for anything – well almost anything!

Then Dad gets a phone call. This is the big deal he has been waiting for and his promise to Johnny is soon forgotten are he excitedly assures his client he has no commitments on Saturday morning and of course he can make the presentation.

This scenario is repeated so many times that there are scores of movies made with it.

Once teenage years arrive a heart broken and frustrated Dad (or Mum) is left wonder why teenage son or daughter won’t confide in them. Don’t they trust Mum and/or Dad? NO why should they!
Respect Your Spouse
Remember, a child will imitate what he SEES long before he will respond to what he is told. If Dad is constantly putting Mum (or Mom) down by making fun of her cooking and laughing at her attempts to garden, then the children will quickly join in. They will grow up “knowing” that adults are a joke.

When this sort of thing happens in the home it will be difficult, even impossible, to teach the children to respect their mother (or father) or any other adult for that matter.
Never argue in front of the children
This is another area that teaches the children by example. When they see and hear their parents arguing, trust will falter and respect will dwindle. Don’t do it! (Its that simple).
What is your value system like?
There is absolutely no way you can try and teach little Johnny not to cuss if he hears those words in the home.

And how can you teach him not to steal if he sees those company brand pens and notepad all over the house?

Make sure YOU are living the values you want to teach your children. They must be your core values too, because who you ARE teaches more than what you say. (More about that in a future article).

I look forward to seeing your comments on these topics and I am sure you can add some.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Tough Love – Does It Pay Off?

Yuli — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:21:22 +0000

I am sure you have heard the term “Tough Love”, and perhaps even had to apply it at one time or another. At the time of confrontation it may even seem beyond tough, but be encouraged, it does pay off.

Here’s a living example: (Names changed, but situation is real).
Some good friends of mine in Mexico whom I have known for probably 15 years or so have 2 sons. Both boys of course had the same opportunities, but as in many families, one was a little more rebellious than the other, actually quite a bit more rebellious.

Drastic Measures
Things became so difficult that one day the father stepped in and took some very drastic measures with the rebellious lad. He put him out of the home to fend for himself. Now that seems like more than tough love!

The other son that stayed with his parents was given everything he needed, university education, cars, electronics – you name it, he had it. Sure he was a model son at home. He was usually present when I visited the home, and the conversation was always edifying.

Several Years Later
Now let’s fast forward to 12 yrs later (probably more than 12 yrs later – since I tend to lose track of time

The lad that was brought up in the protection of his home ended up trapped in the web of a seductive young lady whom he finally married and later divorced. When I saw him again a few short years ago while he was visiting his then sick father, I was shocked and saddened to see a very broken young man (he was just in the process of going through the divorce at that time).

The other son ended up with a great job, great wife and extremely polite children. I was astonished the first time I was greeted by a young lady, just 6 years old inviting me to sit down and then asking if I would like a cup of coffee when I visited her grandparents home.

Now, there is no question about it, the younger son loves his parents and visits them now and again (when he has time). He does care for them.

Guess Which Son Is The Most Caring Now They Are Both Grown?
However guess which son is ALWAYS there for his parents when they need something, highly respects them and shows a very caring attitude towards them?

Yes, it was so noticeable when the father took ill, that one day while visiting their home during Juan’s recovery I mentioned it. I asked him “which of the two is more attentive to you today?”

Which of the two do you think was named when I asked this question?

Does tough love pay off?

The problem in this “I want it NOW” age of today is that we tend to look for a short term fix, and often ignore the long term affects.

Of course the application of tough love will vary according to the situation and personalities involved. It may not always need to be applied in such a drastic way.

Above all it MUST be applied with GENUINE love (never desperation), as with all disciplinary measures.

LOVE is the key! Even when love must be tough, it must be genuine LOVE.

Successful Relationships » Parents and Children

Your Children and Money

Prepare Your Child For Success!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Initiative Crushers

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

How Much Do You Really Value Your Children?

Children are valuable citizens today – not just tomorrow!

Children Bring Happiness

Children Have Rights.

Children Have Something Valuable to Say

Children Are to Be Respected!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Words Can Make or Break Your Child’s Life

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

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Tough Love – Does It Pay Off?

May All Your Relationships be Successful!