Successful Relationships

Most children today are paid allowances and that in itself may not be bad, but let’s stop and think for a moment.

What exactly are we teaching them about money by simply paying them an allowance?

You are bringing up a child who will be a future husband or wife, a missionary or a volunteer worker in a foreign land, a states person. They could be someone of great influence, even a president.

A future entrepreneur?
This young man or women may one day own their own business, or they may simply end up work for someone else or in Corporate America dedicating their lives to building a giant for someone else.

The other day I was working through a book about accelerated learning and came to an interesting statistic. Jack Canfield (famous for his co-authoring of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series) organized a survey where the words spoken daily by school aged children were noted.

The mindset of children today.
A team of surveyors followed 100 children for a complete day making a note of the number of negative and positive statements that each child spoke during that day.

The results were staggering:

One of the big frustrations a leader or employer can meet with is to have team members or associates with little or no initiative.

This can be not only frustrating but time consuming for the leader who has to take time to show his member or associate every little detail.

Often the team member is very willing to work, but you have to tell him exactly what to do. He/she never or rarely takes the initiative to do things without being asked to.

Children should be seen and not heard!

Do you remember those days? They were ignorant times for sure. They were days when it was thought that children would be able contribute something of value to society when they grew up. Meanwhile, they were to stay quiet, out of the way of the adults and amuse themselves, of course keeping out of trouble.

One of the key truths I taught in Mexico at the seminars for parents was that children are not a part of the church of tomorrow, but they are a part of the church TODAY. The same can be said of society. Children have something valuable to contribute to society TODAY.

Children are valuable citizens today, not just tomorrow!
Children do not have to wait until they grow up to become valuable. Hopefully we have left behind the days when children were to be seen and not heard. and we now understand that children are valuable human beings and an essential part of society.

The spoken word is very powerful. Proverbs 18:21 tells us: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (English Standard Version). Wow! So with words you can bring life or kill.

This is something that is so easy to forget especially in the home where more stressful and difficult circumstances are likely to show up on a daily basis. But getting frustrated and lashing out with negative words will only make any situation worse.

Speaking out of frustration can destroy.
One thing I hate to hear at the supermarket is a parent speaking harsh or belittling words to their child. It hurts to hear it. How much more must it hurt that child that is receiving the lashing! I am sure you have heard this too.

There is one main ingredient that binds together EVERY and ANY other principle that can be followed to build good relationships between parents and children.

(In fact see what Dr Wagner shared in his comment here: “give lots of hugs. Our twins would come and hug us immediately after we disciplined them. That’s a Message!.” (You can find Dr Wagner on Twitter at http://twitter.com/moneyinmarriage).

My answer to Dr Wagner’s comment: “absolutely!”

In fact love is the key ingredient for all Successful Relationships.

However, there is a misconception of what love really is and one of the places where this illusion is found is in the relationships between parents and children.

Do you think it is possible in this day of extreme rebellion, lack of respect, and self-centered “ideals” to still enjoy a loving yet respectful relationship with your children?

Well that does greatly depend on you as a parent. No, I am not talking about being a perfect parent, none of us have quite reached that characteristic yet. And neither are there perfect children (except yours of course

We do live in a difficult age for children growing up and their parents trying to guide them. But there are certainly some things parents can do to help point children in the right direction and give them an opportunity to win this race called life.

I am sure you have heard the term “Tough Love”, and perhaps even had to apply it at one time or another. At the time of confrontation it may even seem beyond tough, but be encouraged, it does pay off.

Here’s a living example: (Names changed, but situation is real).
Some good friends of mine in Mexico whom I have known for probably 15 years or so have 2 sons. Both boys of course had the same opportunities, but as in many families, one was a little more rebellious than the other, actually quite a bit more rebellious.

Drastic Measures
Things became so difficult that one day the father stepped in and took some very drastic measures with the rebellious lad. He put him out of the home to fend for himself.