Successful Relationships

Two major keys to any successful relationship is love and communication. One expression of love is to show a genuine desire to communicate with the person.

When both love and communication are present in a relationship any problem can be worked out.

When some parents face difficulties with their teenagers that seem impossible to solve, they tend to take the “easy way out” and simply ignore their teen. I am sure you have heard of the theory “if I ignore it, it will go away”. This is so often the human way of coping with many situations that are difficult to handle.

However, in actual fact ignoring a problem does not solve anything, but rather it allows time for any unresolved emotional reactions to go deeper and fester.

There will be added difficulties if communication difficulties existed with your teenager when he or she was a small child. But be encouraged, it is not impossible to restore your relationship with your teen to become a successful one. It will take some time, patience and a determination to win. But always expect the best, and you WILL win!

The other day on Twitter, Wendy Dewar happened to mention that she and her husband had just celebrated their 34th wedding anniversary.

This is great achievement these days, and I knew that Wendy would have some great wisdom to share with you. When I asked Wendy if she would consider writing down some tips and tricks that she has applied over the years to bring her this success, she graciously accepted.

Following is her article, I know that it will be a great blessing to you.

Wendy writes:
I got married in 1975 just after I turned twenty. I am still married to the same man today. Over the years we’ve discovered and developed ways to keep our marriage a happy place. Has it been easy? Yes, and no. But there are definitely some techniques and tactics we have learned along the way that have enabled us to live happily together all these years. Here are a few tips gleaned from over three decades of marriage.

1. Be smart before you start.

This is the fifth article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the fifth tip that was named is:

Don’t Antagonize Your Teenager.
Remember your teenager is going through a lot of changes already and because of this there may be some strange emotions pop up from time to time. There may even be some “out of character” moments as they are trying to find their own feet in this world.

There are three main definitions of the word antagonize found in the dictionary.

This is the fourth article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the fourth tip that was named is:

Don’t Smother Your Teenager.
Smothering is one of the traps that parents can easily fall in to with their teenagers.

Your teenagers are undergoing a lot of changes in life as they prepare for adulthood.

Yes I know they may be still your “baby boy” or “baby girl”, to you. However, as hard as it may be for you to face, they are probably not going to want to hear that as much any more, if at all. They certainly don’t want you calling them any such thing in front of their friends …

Written by a guest writer, Barbara Desmarais
Over the years I’ve coached many parents both privately and in groups. I’ve come across so many who are in regular conflict with their partner. They frequently argue about how to discipline the children or are carrying around resentments and hurts towards each other.

Parents Set The Tone of the Household.
Just like a leader in an organization the parents set the tone of the household. Even if they aren’t openly arguing if they’re at odds with each other, the tension between them is felt by everyone.

If they are openly arguing and doing it in a hostile way, the kids are affected. They’re affected in a way that impacts who they are.

This is the third article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the third tip that was named is:

Don’t Punish.
I have to admit, this suggestion was not my idea. I did not come up with it, they did. Do not punish, they said. They insisted that this should be included in our series.

So where does this leave us parents? I certainly look forward to your comments below.

Here are some thoughts,

We all know and recognize that the teenage years can be a difficult time of life. There are many changes going on both in the bodies and the minds of the youngsters. Here are some of the main things that are happening to your teen:

This is the second article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and threatening was definitely named as one of the things NOT to do with your teenager. So tip number 2 is:

Never threaten them.

In the last article we looked at arguing. Arguing is never a way to create a healthy relationship with anyone, let alone a teenager who is already facing a lot of changes and complications in life.

Another thing that will be sure to irritate a teenager is to threaten them. (Well threatening will provoke most anyone to anger right?). So number 2, of the 7 things not to do is:

A few weeks ago I took some time to chat with some young friends about their perspective and experiences on the ideal relationship between teens and parents.

We came up with 8 things to do to enjoy a good relationship with your teenager, and 7 things not to do. You can find the 8 things to DO here and here.

Now let’s take a look at some of the things they were saying not to do.

We took a look at 4 things you can do that will empower you to win your teenagers and influence them in the previous post. The teenage years can be fun, or they can be a time of frenzy. It really depends how you approach them. It will certainly be time of many changes. The way you relate to your son or daughter who is now becoming an adult will change.

Here are four tips that will help you avoid the frenzy and enjoy the fun.

1. Do trust your young adults.
I had to laugh at the comment I received on this one. “Do trust your teenager, but don’t forget he/she is still just 16 years old”.

Although it came across as a little funny, this comment carries excellent wisdom. In other words do not let them have the upper hand.

A few days ago there was a period of slack time at work and so I took advantage of this time to ask some questions of my young co-workers who are fresh out of their teens. I decided it would be an interesting exercise to get some ideas from their perspective on their ideal relationship between teens and their parents.

They were eager to answer the questions I had for them. In fact I noticed that they enjoyed their participation in this project. I am thankful too for their input.

Teenage years can be difficult even traumatic for both the youngsters and their parents, but they don’t have to be.