Walter Winchell
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Anonymous
To have a good friend is one of the highest delights in life; to be a good friend is one of the noblest and most difficult undertakings.

How true is this!
A good friend is one of best treasures in life, yet at the same time to be a good friend is not always that easy.

We have already looked at some of the attributes of character that will contribute towards creating and maintaining a solid friendship.

Remember, we mentioned

Trust – respect – value – forgiveness and love.

There are also some things you need to avoid doing if you want your friendship to remain strong and solid.

Don’t overstep the boundaries.
Boundaries are very important in our lives. We all have responsabilities in different areas of our lives, plus we all need our own space. It is a good idea to establish some boundaries from the beginning.

For example:

• You may have a traditional family night on Friday evenings. That night would be off limits for any phone calls from friends. This night is for your family.
  
  
• You may be in the habit of taking time to meditate and plan your day between 8am – 10am every morning. So those times also would be off limits to receive phone calls or visits. This is YOUR time.

A good friend will respect your boundaries. You of course will respect their boundaries also.

Many a great friendship has been harmed by not respecting the needs and lifestyle of the other person. No respect for boundaries is one thing that can certainly kill the relationship.

Proverbs 25:17 (Contemporary English Version) Don’t visit friends too often, or they will get tired of it and start hating you.

Don’t take your friends for granted.
One great way to maintain the spark in any relationship is to make sure you express your appreciation of the other person regularly.

Simple words such as “thank you for meeting with me today” or “I appreciate you giving me an hour of your time this morning” go a long way towards maintaining a positive relationship.

When this simple expression of respect is lost in a relationship it is easier for negative thoughts to enter into the minds of those involved.

For example: Well, he/she does not appreciate the effort I took to meet with them today.

If these negative thoughts persist and are given opportunity to increase, a good relationship can easily turn to a bad one.

We all need to be appreciated and respected.

May sure you make the effort to express your appreciation to your friends. You will find that this will help to strengthen the relationship.

Never presume upon your friends.
In many ways, this is very similar to taking our friends for granted. In fact, perhaps it is an extension of this.

How many times have we fallen into this trap similiar to the following example?

“I just know that my friend Joe will help me move on Saturday”. I am sure that you know Joe well enough to know that he would be very willing to.

• But what about his time constraints?
• What about his plans?

So you call Joe expecting to hear a positive answer when you ask him if he can help you move on Saturday. He notices that expectation in your voice, and so feels obligated to respond positively.

If this kind of pressure is put on any relationship too often, it will not be long before you will notice some negative “vibes” coming between you.

This can be avoided. How?

When we exercise consideration with all of our friends, family and acquaintances it will be much easier tto maintain a good relationship.

Be kind and considerate, and you will certainly find yourself enjoying many more positive moments with all of your friends and family.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

It can be very difficult trying to relate to some folk at times.

However a well founded relationship will always ride the storms, especially when these 5 attributes are in the hearts of the folk involved.

Trust.
This can be a big “issue” for many people. Perhaps you have difficulty trusting because of past betrayals or failures. Trusting again may be a risk, but let’s face it all of life involves risk. If you don’t take any risks, you will not achieve anything.

John Kennedy is quote as saying: “Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”

Do you want to miss the future? I am sure you don’t. Don’t let past failures hinder your present and future joys.

Are you looking for more friends? Make sure you can be trusted. Are you trustworthy?

Respect.
What is respect? The dictionary includes such words as esteem, regard and even honor in its definition of the word respect.

Everyone needs to be loved and respected. One of the benefits of great friendships is that you have someone who genuinely respects and esteems you, no matter what may happen in your life.

Don’t flatter yourself that friendship authorizes you to say disagreeable things to your intimates. The nearer you come into relation with a person, the more necessary do tact and courtesy become. Oliver Wendell Holmes

Value
Along with respect, we need to value our friends and relationships.

Each friend represents a world in us; a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only in meeting them that a new world is born. Anais Nin

Without these friends entering our lives we would miss out on a complete part of our own lives. Do you value the part your friends play in your life?

Forgiveness
Someone said it takes maturity to have real friends, and I would agree. Do you?

If you are looking for perfect friends during your journey on this earth, you will be sadly disappointed. Noone is perfect. There was only One perfect Man who every walked this earth.

This means that your friends will sometimes make mistakes and do or say something that may hurt you. This is why it takes maturity to have real friends.

A mature person is able to forgive quickly because they have learned that forgiveness is an attribute of real love.

A friend loves at ALL times (Proverbs 17:17)

Life is too short to spend it with anger, unforgiveness and resentment in our hearts.

Love
We have already mentioned love, and in fact all of the first four attributes are a part of what love really is.

Look out for more posts on this blog about love. There is a series of articles about love being drafted and will be published very soon.

Meanwhile make sure you enjoy your friends, have fun, share the good times and support and encourage in the difficult times.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Image by EJ Photo on Flickr.

Then now and again we meet someone we immediately “click with”. There is a special bond that seems to instantly unite you.

After conversing with this new stranger for just 15-20 minutes, there is that strange feeling that you have known them for a life time.

“Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends.” ~ Mary Catherwood

These special relationships are certainly to be treasured, respected and nurtured.

“Your friends will know you better in the first minute they meet you than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.” ~ Richard Bach

Our circle of friends can be roughly divided into three categories.

Here is a brief outline of these categories:

Acquaintances: These are folk you meet now and again. You may work with them, do business with them or simply see them on the bus every day as you travel to work.

You may even enjoy a jolly good chat with them once in a while. But you really don’t know all that much about them, much less do you know too much about their families.

Outer Circle: Most of us may have many friends in this circle. These will be folk with whom you share at least one or two things in common. They may be a part of your church, a social club or the gymn, so you may see them regularly. You may enjoy a good chat over some coffee or a meal once in a while.

The conversation will likely be centered around your common interest, local topics of interest or such. You may even enjoy a good debate with some of these folk.

You will enjoy various levels of companionship with this group.

You may also be able to count on certain levels of support from many of these folk in times of need. However, when things happen that touch you intimately you will more easily reach out to your circle of close friends.

Close Friends (Inner Circle). These are folk who know you in at your worst and your best and love you anyway There is a deeper level of trust. Consequently you can share things with your close friends you would not dare voice to anyone else.

Close friends will always be friends. You may be separated by the paths of life for months even years, yet when you meet up again it will be as if you were never separated.

“Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure.”

Take care of your friends.

• Value them. Be thankful that they are a part of your life. Never take your friends for granted.
• Respect them.
• Enjoy them.
• Trust them. (“You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible” Anton Chekhow)
• Never take advantage of them, but rather seek to give more than you receive.

During the next few weeks:

• We will be exploring the various aspects of friendship.
• We will look at some of the things that help to create good friendships (on every level).
• We will also look at some of the things that can destroy good relationships.

Please share some of your experiences and wisdom concerning friendships in the comments below, and do come back and join in the discussion as we explore the various aspects of these great relationships.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

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