Successful Relationships » Respect

Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager

Yuli — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 01:52:36 +0000

And Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare

If you find that when your son or daughter enters teenage years your relationship with them starts to change do not be concerned. This is a new phase of their life. As a child, they may have been willing to follow your ways, your standards and your beliefs.

However now they are entering a stage of life where they will decide on and define their own beliefs, standards and ways. Some of their decisions may conflict with your perspectives, but do not be concerned. If you trained them well as a child your influence in their lives will always be there to guide them.

With the help of some young friends, I have put together a series of tips designed to help you maintain a successful relationship with your teen during these restless years and on into their adulthood.

Teenage Years, Fun or Frenzy?

We started with looking at:

Eight things you can DO to help build and maintain the relationship between you as a parent and your teen.

One of these 8 tips was:
Do discuss issues with your teen. Now I am not talking about a heated discussion, but a good discussion over a cup of coffee or an ice cream. You may of course carefully point out the consequences of the issue in question, but the final decision will be theirs. Don’t ever try to control that.

What if they make the wrong decision? This is where unconditional love comes into the picture. You will always be there to support and love no matter what happens.

Now this does not mean you have to “bail them out”. No, let them pay the consequences (this is how they will learn), but always be there to support.

Dining together as a family was another tip that my friends thought to be important. The family dinner table can be a great place to share and strengthen family bonds.

You can find more about the first 4 tips (listed below), by clicking here.

Do discuss.
Do point out the consequences.
Do allow choices.
Do dine together as a family
(Click on the link above or here to read more).

More about the second 4 tips (listed below) can be found here:

Do trust them (this is very important)
Do restrain (with wisdom)
Do involve them in the family activities (they have not left home yet)
Do continue to believe the best (this is also VERY important.
Click on the link above or here to read more.)

Teenage Years – Parents Adventure or Nightmare?

This depends greatly on your relationship with your teenager.

Here is a list of things to avoid doing in order to maintain a successful relationship with your teen.

You can click on the links to read the complete post about the respective topic.

Don’t Argue

Don’t Threaten Your Teenager

Don’t Punish Us, My Teenage Friends Say

Don’t Smother Your Teenager

Don’t Antagonize Your Teenager
Here I take a look at three definitions of the word “antagonize, and apply them to your relationship with your teen.

Don’t Ignore Your Teenager
(This can be a major temptation when things get difficult.)

Don’t Give Up On Your Teenager

I trust these tips will help you with your relationship with your teen. I look forward to hearing about your experiences and recommendations that will help to build a successful relationship with our teenagers.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Don’t Punish Us, My Teenage Friends Say

Yuli — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 03:38:51 +0000

This is the third article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and the third tip that was named is:

Don’t Punish.
I have to admit, this suggestion was not my idea. I did not come up with it, they did. Do not punish, they said. They insisted that this should be included in our series.

So where does this leave us parents? I certainly look forward to your comments below.

Here are some thoughts,

We all know and recognize that the teenage years can be a difficult time of life. There are many changes going on both in the bodies and the minds of the youngsters. Here are some of the main things that are happening to your teen:

Your teen is no longer a child
Your teen is not yet an adult – he just thinks he is.
Your teen is old enough to make his (or her) own decisions, BUT they still need guidance.

However, guidance is not control.

Punishing a teenager can send a message to a him (or her) that they are still under the control of their parents. Usually they will rebel against that loud and clear.
Being punished by parents can make them lose face before their peers.
Punishment from parents is likely to create more rebellion which can so easily lead to bitterness in their hearts and definitely a break in their relationship with you.

So what can you do?

Become their friend. Gain and maintain their confidence
Keep the communication lines wide open.
Become “unshockable” (even though you’re not). Try not to show shock to your teenager, no matter what they tell you.
All of these are expressions of love. Love is ALWAYS a major key.
Gently point out the consequences of their decisions.
Step back and allow them to decide.
IMPORTANT: Allow them to pay the price of their decision. DO NOT step in and rescue them. They will not learn anything that way. In other words, if you are not going to interfere with their decision, do not interfere with the results.
Be there to support, but let them pay the price. They have to learn in the same way you and I had to learn. (And let’s face it you and I are still learning from life’s experiences right?).

So in conclusion, let your teenagers discover life for themselves. Be their friend, be available but not overpowering.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here

Don’t Threaten Your Teenager

Yuli — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 18:46:18 +0000

This is the second article of the series Teenage Years – Parent’s Adventure or Nightmare. How you can embrace the adventure and stay away from the nightmare.

These tips were either suggested or approved by my teenage friends, and threatening was definitely named as one of the things NOT to do with your teenager. So tip number 2 is:

Never threaten them.

In the last article we looked at arguing. Arguing is never a way to create a healthy relationship with anyone, let alone a teenager who is already facing a lot of changes and complications in life.

Another thing that will be sure to irritate a teenager is to threaten them. (Well threatening will provoke most anyone to anger right?). So number 2, of the 7 things not to do is:

Don’t Threaten

When your teenager does or says something you don’t like, feel uncomfortable about or even worse highly concerned about, how you you react?

Don’t you dare do that or I will …. Mm, how many times have you said that to one of your friends, children, teenagers or spouse?

Does threatening work? Of course not! It is a very negative approach to any situation.

Let’s think about it for a second. When someone tries to hold a threat over you, how do you react? Everyone does have different ways of responding to situations, but in this case I am positive that all reactions would be negative no matter how they are expressed.

I am sure you would not ever react positively to a threat (at least not in your heart). I know I would not. You might be like the little boy who said “I am standing up as you asked, but I am sitting down in my heart”.

So was he really standing or sitting? That’s a good question. (Passive rebellion is a subject we will cover in a later article).

So what does trying to threaten our teenager, (or children or anyone else) actually achieve? Nothing positive actually. Here are some reactions that threatening a teenager will provoke.

It can be taken as a dare.
So if I really do this, you will stop me from going out with my friends for a week? Let’s see if you can!
It can provoke curiosity and an opportunity for the threatened one to test the boundaries.
Will you REALLY do this?
Threatening will provoke rebellion.
Rebellion is described as refusal to accept some authority or code or convention. Threatening a teenager will definitely stir up rebellion in them. Remember they are already in a transition period full of all kinds of changes.

They are learning to think for themselves more than ever as they enter into adulthood. They need to be allowed to think for themselves with adult guidance but NOT control.
Threatening is a manipulative action.
What you are really trying to do is control the other person. Teenagers will see right through that one (so will most children) and usually react very negatively.
Threatening is a good way to start an argument.
Arguments usually do not end with any solution. Instead they normally end with ill feelings, bitterness and even with one of the parties walking out in anger.

If you have not already read the Eight things you can DO to help build the relationship between you as a parent and your teen, you can find them here

I know you have a lot to add to this article from your own experience. Please let us hear from you! Thanks!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

The full series Embrace The Fun and Adventure With Your Teenager and Avoid the Frenzy and Nightmare can be found here

A Good Relationship Needs Respect

Yuli — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 02:15:38 +0000

The dictionary definition of the word respect is somewhat complex. It includes admiration as well as the taking into consideration of another person’s wishes or to use the dictionary’s actual words: “a courteous regard for people’s feelings”.

It can also include obedience, when referring to child/parent relationships.

When we respect someone, we can look up to them and/or we can do something that may not be a normal choice for us, but we know that the other person would prefer it.

Respect For Those Around You.

For example, you may prefer to have the TV up so loud you can’t hear anything else when you are watching it. The noise does not bother you.

However out of respect for your parents, your wife/husband or whoever is around you, you turn it down when they are in the house because you know the noise does annoy them.

You have a courteous regard for their comfort.

Respect Between Neighbors

I have a neighbor right now who seems to be deaf His TV and games are up so loud at times, I can’t even stay in the room that is adjacent to their apartment when their TV is turned up to to the full (well at least it sounds like it is turned up to the max

He likes to keep his front door open (yes we are enjoying beautiful fall weather right now). When he thinks I am away his TV is a free show for all the neighbors.

However, as soon as he sees me coming up the stairs he turns his sound machine way down.

That is respect (also known as common courtesy). He shows he is making an effort to be considerate.

Guess what? There are times when Dad and the kids are playing with their Wii through the wall (which by the way IS very well insulated) and they get excited – LOUDLY excited.

Do I get mad?

No! I am glad to hear Dad and kids playing together, and so out of respect for their family relationships, I just go into another room for the 30-60 minutes that their game lasts.

The key here is that a GOOD relationships requires some give and take! 100% on both sides in fact!

Considering A Friend’s Conscience

You could have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic and you may traditionally drink a glass of wine with your meal. However, you don’t want to trip up your friend in any way.

The key here is that you don’t HAVE to have a glass of wine with your meal. Sure it would enhance your meal especially if you have chosen a meat dish, but you know your example could be a temptation to your friend if you ordered wine.

So out of respect (consideration) for your friend you make the “sacrifice” and choose a glass of grape or mixed berry juice instead.

The health and well being of your friend means more to you than enjoying a glass of wine with your meal on this occasion. You have a courteous regard for their safety, their well being and their conscience.

Respect or Double Standards?

I like to drink red wine with a meal, especially if the meal includes a meat dish. In fact red wine helps my digestion and blood. However, I am very careful not to trip up some of my friends who are offended with any alcohol at all, and I never take a glass of wine when I am with them.

Is this a “double standard”:??

No, I simply know that their conscience (or mindset) cannot accept such liberties, so out of respect for them and their conscience, I refrain when dining with them.

Respect For Our Parents Kept Us Out Of a Lot Of Problems.

I am very grateful for the respect our parents brought us up with. This held both my sister and me steady though our teenage years.

Many of the things that most teenagers get into, we did not even think of doing as it would have hurt our parents. This is respect

Now, before you start getting thinking I am advocating that showing respect is the same as allowing another person to control our lives, I am NOT. To repect another person does NOT mean you allow them to control you (I will expound on this area in future articles.

Checklist:

Do I really show respect for those around me?
Are there some ways I could show more respect?
Are there some things I do that I know annoy those around me, yet even though I don’t really need to do these things, I do anyway?
What could I do to show more respect to those around me?

Note down some of your answers to these questions.

Now go out and DO them!