If you find that when your son or daughter enters teenage years your relationship with them starts to change do not be concerned. This is a new phase of their life. As a child, they may have been willing to follow your ways, your standards and your beliefs.

However now they are entering a stage of life where they will decide on and define their own beliefs, standards and ways. Some of their decisions may conflict with your perspectives, but do not be concerned. If you trained them well as a child your influence in their lives will always be there to guide them.

With the help of some young friends, I have put together a series of tips designed to help you maintain a successful relationship with your teen during these restless years and on into their adulthood.

Teenage Years, Fun or Frenzy?

We started with looking at:

Eight things you can DO to help build and maintain the relationship between you as a parent and your teen.

One of these 8 tips was:
Do discuss issues with your teen. Now I am not talking about a heated discussion, but a good discussion over a cup of coffee or an ice cream. You may of course carefully point out the consequences of the issue in question, but the final decision will be theirs. Don’t ever try to control that.

What if they make the wrong decision? This is where unconditional love comes into the picture. You will always be there to support and love no matter what happens.

Now this does not mean you have to “bail them out”. No, let them pay the consequences (this is how they will learn), but always be there to support.

Dining together as a family was another tip that my friends thought to be important. The family dinner table can be a great place to share and strengthen family bonds.

You can find more about the first 4 tips (listed below), by clicking here.

• Do discuss.
• Do point out the consequences.
• Do allow choices.
• Do dine together as a family
  (Click on the link above or here to read more).

More about the second 4 tips (listed below) can be found here:

• Do trust them (this is very important)
• Do restrain (with wisdom)
• Do involve them in the family activities (they have not left home yet)
• Do continue to believe the best (this is also VERY important.
  Click on the link above or here to read more.)

Teenage Years – Parents Adventure or Nightmare?

This depends greatly on your relationship with your teenager.

Here is a list of things to avoid doing in order to maintain a successful relationship with your teen.

You can click on the links to read the complete post about the respective topic.

Don’t Argue

Don’t Threaten Your Teenager

Don’t Punish Us, My Teenage Friends Say

Don’t Smother Your Teenager

Don’t Antagonize Your Teenager
Here I take a look at three definitions of the word “antagonize, and apply them to your relationship with your teen.

Don’t Ignore Your Teenager
(This can be a major temptation when things get difficult.)

Don’t Give Up On Your Teenager

I trust these tips will help you with your relationship with your teen. I look forward to hearing about your experiences and recommendations that will help to build a successful relationship with our teenagers.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

There are many kinds of love, but each one of them will only last is they include the greatest love of all – Agape Love.

Agape love loves even if it is not loved in return.
Agape love gives if it does not receive anything back.
Agape love does not give up.
Agape love never fails.

Add this kind of love to the love you have for all those around you and your life will change drastically!

Thanks to abhishekkumardavid on YouTube

May the Message of Easter be Real in Your Life, and
May All Your Relationships be Successful!

(In fact see what Dr Wagner shared in his comment here: “give lots of hugs. Our twins would come and hug us immediately after we disciplined them. That’s a Message!.” (You can find Dr Wagner on Twitter at http://twitter.com/moneyinmarriage).

My answer to Dr Wagner’s comment: “absolutely!”

In fact love is the key ingredient for all Successful Relationships.

However, there is a misconception of what love really is and one of the places where this illusion is found is in the relationships between parents and children.

There are several things that love is not, and each of them are so important that we will take at look at them one at a time.

If you find yourself in any or many of these categories and scenarios, don’t worry, once you confront a fault and admit it you have made a major step towards changing it.

Love Is Not Manipulative!

Contrary to some opinions and concepts, your children are not actually yours as in owning them. No, you do not own them! .

Full responsibility – no ownership.
They are your responsibility to train and guide for this world AND for eternity, but they are not yours to control.

One of the traps that many parents fall into in this area is very subtle.

Many from past generations resolve to make sure the present generation does not have to suffer once they become parents.

A Trap for Parents
One classic example of this trap: Mum or Dad wanted to be a doctor when they were growing up. However family finances or other circumstances of life were difficult and they allowed these things to stop them from pursuing this dream.

(The development of the awareness of the importance of the right mindset in achieving success is relatively recent, so many of the past generations grew up thinking that they were somehow “cheated” out of their dreams by life or destiny. However its never too late to change your mindset).

So they grow up with a strong resolution concerning their own children:

• My children WILL have what I could not have, they will NOT suffer as I had to, is their affirmation.

In one way this is a noble commitment yet in another way it can be a dangerous one. What if little Johnny does not want to be a doctor?

Result? Johnny spends a frustrated life trying to live his parents dream instead of his own. (How many lives are being lived in this way? I have met some!) His parents have not meant to manipulate his life, but that is exactly what they ended up doing.

Yes the word “manipulate” is a strong one, but sadly it is possible to manipulate the lives of our children even unconsciously, as this example illustrates.

Note: Incredibly, I completed this post, turned on the TV to see a movie playing: Ice Princess

What is it about? A mother trying to fulfill her dream through her daugher!

• Are YOU living YOUR dream or someone else’s vision for your life?
• Are YOUR children being trained and guided to live THEIR dream or yours?

Train your children to discover and develop THEIR dream and follow it! Here’s how you can do that:

1. Realize and accept that your child is born with his OWN destiny and his OWN dreams.
2. Observe his/her interests and talents and give your child all the opportunities within your power to develop them.
3. Encourage him/her in their areas of strength and help them to strengthen their weak areas.
4. Recognize that children may want to be an aircraft pilot one day, and a veterinarian the next. That’s ok, they are finding their way.
5. Gently encourage them in their pursuits, but give them room to decide for themselves. Don’t jump to conclusions too early in their lives and start “pushing” them in any one direction.

The KEY WORDS are ENCOURAGE and FREE WILL.

• Gently encourage them in their interests and talents.
• Let them make the decisions (where their interests and what they want to pursue is concerned. Of course there are some daily decisions that parents have to make for their children, depending on their age).
• It is fine to lay before them the pros and cons of situations and the costs and benefits.
• Let them grow up realizing that REAL LIFE has its ups and downs, its failures and its triumphs.
• Teach them to create a successful mindset and they will be champions in whatever they pursue in life!

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Here’s a living example: (Names changed, but situation is real).
Some good friends of mine in Mexico whom I have known for probably 15 years or so have 2 sons. Both boys of course had the same opportunities, but as in many families, one was a little more rebellious than the other, actually quite a bit more rebellious.

Drastic Measures
Things became so difficult that one day the father stepped in and took some very drastic measures with the rebellious lad. He put him out of the home to fend for himself. Now that seems like more than tough love!

The other son that stayed with his parents was given everything he needed, university education, cars, electronics – you name it, he had it. Sure he was a model son at home. He was usually present when I visited the home, and the conversation was always edifying.

Several Years Later
Now let’s fast forward to 12 yrs later (probably more than 12 yrs later – since I tend to lose track of time

The lad that was brought up in the protection of his home ended up trapped in the web of a seductive young lady whom he finally married and later divorced. When I saw him again a few short years ago while he was visiting his then sick father, I was shocked and saddened to see a very broken young man (he was just in the process of going through the divorce at that time).

The other son ended up with a great job, great wife and extremely polite children. I was astonished the first time I was greeted by a young lady, just 6 years old inviting me to sit down and then asking if I would like a cup of coffee when I visited her grandparents home.

Now, there is no question about it, the younger son loves his parents and visits them now and again (when he has time). He does care for them.

Guess Which Son Is The Most Caring Now They Are Both Grown?
However guess which son is ALWAYS there for his parents when they need something, highly respects them and shows a very caring attitude towards them?

Yes, it was so noticeable when the father took ill, that one day while visiting their home during Juan’s recovery I mentioned it. I asked him “which of the two is more attentive to you today?”

Which of the two do you think was named when I asked this question?

Does tough love pay off?

The problem in this “I want it NOW” age of today is that we tend to look for a short term fix, and often ignore the long term affects.

Of course the application of tough love will vary according to the situation and personalities involved. It may not always need to be applied in such a drastic way.

Above all it MUST be applied with GENUINE love (never desperation), as with all disciplinary measures.

LOVE is the key! Even when love must be tough, it must be genuine LOVE.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!