Walter Winchell
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Anonymous
To have a good friend is one of the highest delights in life; to be a good friend is one of the noblest and most difficult undertakings.

How true is this!
A good friend is one of best treasures in life, yet at the same time to be a good friend is not always that easy.

We have already looked at some of the attributes of character that will contribute towards creating and maintaining a solid friendship.

Remember, we mentioned

Trust – respect – value – forgiveness and love.

There are also some things you need to avoid doing if you want your friendship to remain strong and solid.

Don’t overstep the boundaries.
Boundaries are very important in our lives. We all have responsabilities in different areas of our lives, plus we all need our own space. It is a good idea to establish some boundaries from the beginning.

For example:

• You may have a traditional family night on Friday evenings. That night would be off limits for any phone calls from friends. This night is for your family.
  
  
• You may be in the habit of taking time to meditate and plan your day between 8am – 10am every morning. So those times also would be off limits to receive phone calls or visits. This is YOUR time.

A good friend will respect your boundaries. You of course will respect their boundaries also.

Many a great friendship has been harmed by not respecting the needs and lifestyle of the other person. No respect for boundaries is one thing that can certainly kill the relationship.

Proverbs 25:17 (Contemporary English Version) Don’t visit friends too often, or they will get tired of it and start hating you.

Don’t take your friends for granted.
One great way to maintain the spark in any relationship is to make sure you express your appreciation of the other person regularly.

Simple words such as “thank you for meeting with me today” or “I appreciate you giving me an hour of your time this morning” go a long way towards maintaining a positive relationship.

When this simple expression of respect is lost in a relationship it is easier for negative thoughts to enter into the minds of those involved.

For example: Well, he/she does not appreciate the effort I took to meet with them today.

If these negative thoughts persist and are given opportunity to increase, a good relationship can easily turn to a bad one.

We all need to be appreciated and respected.

May sure you make the effort to express your appreciation to your friends. You will find that this will help to strengthen the relationship.

Never presume upon your friends.
In many ways, this is very similar to taking our friends for granted. In fact, perhaps it is an extension of this.

How many times have we fallen into this trap similiar to the following example?

“I just know that my friend Joe will help me move on Saturday”. I am sure that you know Joe well enough to know that he would be very willing to.

• But what about his time constraints?
• What about his plans?

So you call Joe expecting to hear a positive answer when you ask him if he can help you move on Saturday. He notices that expectation in your voice, and so feels obligated to respond positively.

If this kind of pressure is put on any relationship too often, it will not be long before you will notice some negative “vibes” coming between you.

This can be avoided. How?

When we exercise consideration with all of our friends, family and acquaintances it will be much easier tto maintain a good relationship.

Be kind and considerate, and you will certainly find yourself enjoying many more positive moments with all of your friends and family.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

When this kind of freedom exists, there can be great fellowship and a very solid relationship.

However, not everyone is able to enjoy such freedom. Sadly many people are stuck in a suffocating relationship. I don’t think there can be much worse than being in a relationship that is full of control.

My Experiences:

When I was serving at a very well known restaurant in the USA, I had the opportunity to observe a lot of different situations, some very pleasant, others not so pleasant.

One of the not so pleasant situations were when the authoritative partner would order for both of them while the other would silently look disgusted, letting me know they were not even consulted and that this was probably just a sample of what their life was like.

(Note: I am not at all against the husband ordering for the wife as a “gentlemanly gesture” after he has consulted her, that a totally different situation, and a very positive one at that!).

One time, the wife and child drank water while the husband enjoyed a cocktail. Was it because they chose water? Nope, he ordered for them, while they tried to look agreeable. What a sad situation.

So what was I observing in these situations? A terrible suffocation and control was at work. Those relationships are very unhealthy at best, doomed to destruction at worst.

But how do people get into those situations?

One of the huge reasons is the FEAR of being alone.

There is a saying in Spanish, “mejor solo que mal acompañado”
(Better to be alone than accompanied badly or by the wrong person). The English translation does not flow the same, but the meaning is surely the same.

When we are blinded by negative emotions, we always make wrong decisions.

This may not be a problem in your life, that’s great, but I am sure you have a friend who may need your support in this area.

So what can we do?

First this fear needs to be faced and uprooted.

Until fear is uprooted from your life, you will always attract the wrong people.

What is fear? Michael Pritchard quotes fear as being that little darkroom where negatives are developed.

That is essentially saying that the more we think about something we are afraid of, the bigger and clearer it gets. Only thing is that the size and clarity of this thing are both an illusion created in our own minds.

If this fear grows like a negative in the dark, then let’s take it into the light where it will wither up and die.

1. On a blank piece of paper write down all the things you fear about being left alone (if this is the case in your life).
2. Make sure you write down everything that comes to mind, whether you think you fear it or not.
3. Read the list back to yourself and then ask yourself, “Why do I fear this?”
4. Write down the answer.
5. Now look for a solution to everything you wrote down.

One practical example, if you wrote down: I need someone to help me balance my checkbook, the solution would be I am determined learn to balance my checkbook myself

Note, when we face fears and meet them with a solution, what we are doing is inviting our will which is the power of decision, to take its rightful place over our emotions (where both negative and positive feelings operate).

We DECIDE to exercise our will over our emotions (where fear can reside).

Once we do that we will be in a place where we can start to enjoy more freedom in live, and we have a better chance of attracting the RIGHT people into our life.

You may be reading this article after having been in a relationship with a person whom you thought was the right one for your life, but things happened and there was a breakup.

If this is the case, please check this out now: The Magic Of Making Up.

May All Your Relationships be Successful!

Please eave comments on the articles where you feel you have something to add, or share or perhaps you may have a question or a request for some information on a particular topic.